


Mercy, Pity, Peace & Love

by Jomarch05



Series: My Future In Your Hands [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-20
Updated: 2012-08-20
Packaged: 2017-11-12 12:56:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/491266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jomarch05/pseuds/Jomarch05
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'My Future In Your Hands'. Quinn and Rachel deal with their new found relationship but it's complicated as always when Quinn needs to return home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mercy, Pity, Peace & Love

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**For Mercy has a human heart,**_

_**Pity a human face,**_

_**And Love, the human form divine,**_

_**And Peace, the human dress.**_

_**The Divine Image, William Blake**_

She likes to watch Quinn sleep. Not in a creepy way of seeing that she was still breathing although occasionally, she does look to see the rise and fall of her chest. The watching part stems from the fact that she finds Quinn beautiful and wondrous and watching her sleep was something that made her content. Of course, the other more altruistic reason was that Quinn occasionally suffered from nightmares. She would toss and turn, moaning and sometimes crying in her sleep until Rachel would take her in her arms and hold her until the nightmare subsided.

The first few times it had happened, Quinn would wake up, looking embarrassed and she would turn away from Rachel, not wanting her to see the tears. However, Rachel never let her turn away for long but also didn't push, instead, she would hold onto her, talking about her rehearsal that day or one of Tony's impossible dance steps as she held Quinn, only stopping when she felt the blonde relax back into slumber.

They've been together now for eight months and are still learning more about each other every day. Yesterday, it was discovering they both loved Kieslowski's Three Colors, although surprisingly Rachel loved Blue and Quinn loved Red. Similarities that tied them together with minute differences that made them unique in each other's eyes.

She sees Quinn's forehead crease and knows that she's about to have a nightmare, this one wasn't that difficult to discern considering she had been given a heads up by Julie Sullivan, Quinn's scrub nurse. She had finished her recording session early and had wanted to surprise Quinn with an early dinner only to have trouble finding her at the hospital. She had run into Julie on her way to the cafeteria and she was the one who told Rachel of the surgery, of how the young woman had coded on the table and how Quinn had not wanted to give up.

She was like that with all her surgeries and patients but this one had been slightly different, the woman had stage three throat cancer and had been thirty five, brunette and engaged. Enough similarities with Rachel that Julie had sworn, Quinn had uttered Rachel's name under her breath as she fought valiantly to save the woman's life but to no avail as she had died on the table.

Rachel didn't wait to hear the rest as she rushed out of the hospital, calling Quinn's cell and hoping that her assumption was correct as she drove to Quinn's apartment. She hadn't been surprised at Quinn's choice of a converted top floor apartment in an old brownstone on the Upper East Side. It fit the young doctor and Rachel felt comfortable there because of Quinn.

True enough, she saw Quinn's Audi parked in front and hoped that she hadn't started drinking. She knows that Quinn wasn't an alcoholic like her parents but she still drank a bit too much for Rachel's liking. It wasn't a point of contention as yet although Rachel knows that she'll have to address it eventually.

However, she hadn't done it when Quinn opened the door to her and had immediately taken Rachel into her arms, kissing her as she undid the buttons of her coat. She could feel Quinn's need so strongly as she held her close. Essentially understanding that Quinn desired her, needed her, not to forget but for validation. That they fit somehow, the diva and the doctor, past enemies and current lovers.

She could taste the scotch as she kissed Quinn, but more importantly, she could taste Quinn, her passion and love, intertwined as her hands roamed her body. They had barely made it into the bedroom, Quinn already pulling off her shirt as she reached for Rachel, steering her towards the bed. Quinn's kisses hot against her skin as her senses all attuned to the blonde, their breathing aligned as she finally let go, opening herself up to Quinn, accepting her love in return. Exploring each other's bodies as they finally achieved climax.

Which eventually brought her to this moment now; watching Quinn sleep, waiting for her nightmare that she knows will come. She wants to do more for Quinn but knows that despite their closeness, Quinn still kept some part of herself hidden away; completely inaccessible, not only to Rachel but to herself as well. Rachel knows that it's not Quinn's heart which she realized she had full possession of, but just a part of her psyche that she felt was not good enough for Rachel.

It was why she didn't call Rachel when she had a bad day even though Rachel's sixth sense tended to pick up on it every time. Or why she would go home or to a bar and have a few drinks if her day got too bad. So Rachel learnt patience, which was a difficult task in itself, but she's managed so far. Giving Quinn space but always being there when she knew she was needed like right now as Quinn moans and tosses next to her.

Rachel's arm curls around Quinn's waist as she spoons her, her head resting next to Quinn's ear. The words softly sung and more for her own benefit than Quinn's as she revels in the fact that she still has her voice and it was all due to Quinn. She wanted to show Quinn how much she loved her but she also needed to express it verbally, the only way she knew how.

She feels Quinn stir as she places a kiss behind her ear before finishing the song. "Is that one of the new songs from your album?" Her eyes are still closed as she pulls Rachel's arms tighter around herself, protection from the cold and her fears.

"Hmmm, yeah. I'm recording it tomorrow…." Rachel wants to say more, she wants to ask Quinn about her nightmare but holds her tongue instead she settles closer to Quinn.

"How did you know?" The question escapes before she can stop herself but she focuses on Rachel's breathing comforted to know that she was there, safe. That her nightmare was only a bad dream conjured up because she had lost a patient, one that bore a slight resemblance to Rachel.

"I'd like to highlight my latent psychic sixth sense making a resurgent return. However, I also received some additional insight from Julie. Not that I've memorized your schedule but I wanted to surprise you with dinner. Seeing that I couldn't find you at the hospital, it was simple deductive reasoning that you would retreat to your current abode for which I have the address and have visited and stayed over in frequently. So in short, I'm still psychic and you're predictable. " She's back to her verbose self, not hiding behind the words but giving Quinn time to accept that she's there for her.

She hears Quinn snort which to her credit; she does try and hide behind a cough. "It was all part of my elaborate plan to get you into bed." She smiles, recalling their earlier activities, grateful that it's too dim in the room to see the blush creeping up her cheeks. "I am happy you're here." Quinn strokes Rachel's forearm, a physical connection reminding her that the diva was with her, healthy and whole.

"Where else would I be?" There's enough gravitas behind Rachel's words that Quinn stills, trying her best not to recall the vestiges of her nightmare, where it had been Rachel in her operating theatre, bleeding out on the table. She had been assisting on the surgery, expecting it to be routine, not easy but also not ending the way it did. She remembered whispering Rachel's name as she used the paddles, trying her best to bring the patient back, knowing that Julie had heard the mantra of Rachel's name.

Quinn hadn't expected Rachel to know and had been surprised to hear the knock on her door. But when she had seen her standing there, it had taken all her willpower not to hang on to her and never let go. Instead, she had kissed Rachel, pulling her into the apartment, forgoing her own ritual of insobriety to forget, instead focusing on the brunette.

The question hangs between them, because she definitely wants Rachel there, next to her always. The alternative being unthinkable although her nightmare had come close to giving her a taste of that possibility.

"Do you want to talk about it? Studies have shown that there are cognitive behavioral strategies that can be implemented to reduce occurrences of nightmares, I..." Rachel stops abruptly when Quinn turns to face her, her eyes opened wide as she takes in all of Rachel's words.

"You've been researching this?" Her forehead is creased as she looks at Rachel, hoping for an answer in the negative but realizing that it's Rachel she's questioning as her features soften and her hand caresses the side of Rachel's cheek.

She can only nod as she feels Quinn's hand trail down her face. "I…I thought if I knew more about them, how they originate, transpire, I could help…you." The kiss is sweet, not meant to cut her off but meant to highlight that she's special. Rachel smiles when Quinn pulls back, "I've also done research on other things that I could list, if you think they're worthy of more kisses." This time, Quinn definitely cuts her off, as her hand tangles in Rachel's hair pulling her closer, the ringing telephone not registering at all.

"Uhmmmm, the phone…Quinn?" Rachel does not want to stop and can tell that neither does Quinn, except she can hear the phone in the background as she finally pulls back.

"The hospital has my pager number and everyone that's important is right here." She kisses Rachel again but is stopped when the brunette turns around and reaches for the phone next to the bed.

"Quinn Fabray's residence, this is Rachel speaking." Rachel does not expect Quinn to roll her eyes at her and she doesn't but the wide smile she's sporting throws her because it signifies so much; acceptance, love and most of all a feeling of being home.

"I'm…, I'm looking for Quinn." The voice is familiar but Rachel can't quite place it. She shrugs when she sees Quinn's questioning look. "Sure, she's right here; may I ask whose calling?" It's a standard question for which she expects a stock answer like a census taker or someone from the bank.

"I'm Judy Fabray. I'm her mother." Rachel's only met her a handful of times but they had never been formally introduced. She had come for a few of their performances, normally arriving late and leaving soon after. Always coming alone, and cheering with their other supporters but in the end never staying to see them win despite Quinn always looking out for her.

Rachel knows that Quinn hasn't talked to either of her parents in years, avoiding both them and the subject religiously. She had only managed to get even that much out of Quinn because she had mock threatened to not stay over at Quinn's place. She remembered the way Quinn's features had morphed to something akin to pain before she turned away. She had changed the subject almost immediately when she had turned to face Rachel again, this time, smiling although Rachel could see her hazel eyes still reflecting some of the hurt.

She's not sure she wants to see a repeat of that and holds tightly onto the phone as Quinn looks at her, a quizzical expression on her face as she mouths ' _who is it'._  Rachel promised herself early on that she wouldn't lie to Quinn and this was the first time she's come close to breaking that promise as she covers the mouthpiece, before finally answering. "It's your mom."

Quinn can feel the blood drain from her face as she tries to not react to Rachel's words, not wanting to show her distress to her. Her hand reaches out for the phone, knowing that despite all her efforts otherwise, she can't ignore her family.

Rachel's eyes go wide as she notes Quinn's pale features and her outstretched hand. She considers hanging up but realizes that Quinn's strong and that she's there for her. So she passes the phone to Quinn, telling her the one thing she knows she needs to hear. "I love you."

Quinn smiles and nods before taking a deep breath, feeling Rachel settle in next to her as she speaks into the phone. "Mom?"

**End Pt 1**


	2. It's My Life

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**Better stand strong when they're calling you out**_

_**Don't bend, don't break, baby don't back down**_

_**Bon Jovi**_

Quinn remembers the last time she had seen her parents. It was just before she went to John Hopkins. She had graduated Summa Cum Laude at Harvard and her mom had made it down for her commencement oration; actually arriving on time, in a pale green dress that she had bought specifically for the occasion. Quinn had been nervous for many reasons, not the least because she hoped that for once, her mom would be sober enough to listen.

Deep down, she had wanted to see her father there as well; to let him hear her speech about accepting who you are and learning from your mistakes and others. She had spent hours crafting it each word carefully chosen to express her deepest thoughts, her hopes and fears laid bare. Only she realized that it was meant as much for him as it was for her. In the end, he had given one of his excuses of too much work and church duties. The gift he sent with her mom was not unexpected, the money enough to cover her tuition for the next few years.

It still sat in her bank account, untouched. She had applied for a scholarship and paid her way through med school with her own earnings doing voice-overs and part time modeling. She had tried giving it back once but her father had sent a typed note indicating that it was his Christian duty to provide for his family regardless of whether they deserved it or not.

She knows that she'll always love them for raising her but she can't forgive them for abandoning her at sixteen and even when they took her back, it was because the elders at church expected them to rehabilitate her. They had forgiven her father's indiscretion as had her mom and therefore had to also forgive her.

It hurt to know that they only accepted her because it was expected of them. Quinn could see the strain it placed on her mom, causing her to drink throughout the day as opposed to only at dinner. Her dad hadn't fared better, still having his external dalliances but now having to put up a better façade.

Breaking off all ties when she went off the Medical school had been an easy decision but one she hadn't taken lightly. She just stopped coming home and eventually the phone calls from her mom stopped as well. A relief no doubt, felt on both ends when they mutually choose to not maintain contact. Her sister, Frannie choose to ignore the rift and still sent cards giving her updates but that was the extent of her familial ties except for the phone call right now.

"Mom?" Her voice is not as strong as she would like and she knows Rachel senses it as she leans forward, her hand touching Quinn's back, a physical connection that centers her. She can feel Rachel's fingers through the thin cotton of her shirt and wishes that she could just grab hold and not let go. However, she cannot show Rachel any of her weaknesses so she just takes a breath and concentrates on the call.

"Quinnie..I..It's good to hear your voice." She wants to confess so many thnigs but instead settles for the truth. Despite everything, it was good to hear the voice of her younger daughter acknowledging her.

It's the usage of the name that hits a bit too close to home, bringing back a bit more good memories than bad. "Yes, mom, it's me. How's….everything, How's daddy?" it's the sharp intake of breath that alerts her to the fact that something is indeed wrong for her mom to finally pick up the phone to call her.

"He's had a heart attack. He collapsed in Church yesterday and he's been unconscious ever since. Quinnie, you need to come home."

It's weird that she doesn't hate him because it's difficult to hate someone that you resemble so closely. However, she's learnt to hate parts of herself because of it and she knows it's affected how she's viewed herself and her relationships thus far. It's beyond complicated but the one thing that's always driven her is her sense to do the right thing to make up for what all the wrong that she's done in the past, even if it meant getting hurt. "I'll…I'll see what I can do."

"It'll be good to have you home, Quinnie. I'll see you soon." She hangs up without saying good bye, her focus divided between Rachel's presence and the fact that she's more or less agreed to go home and see her parents for the first time in years.

The one sided conversation that she had been privy too was stilted and Rachel could see how painful it was for Quinn as her knuckles turned white with how forceful she was holding onto the receiver. Even now, she's staring at the far wall, her hands in her lap. Rachel knows she's trying to process the information from the call, deciding what needs to be done, making decisions despite their impact on her personally because she's learnt to be selfless. "Why did your mom call?"

Quinn hears Rachel's question and it gives her pause. She'd been already planning in her head regarding what needed to be done at the hospital and how to ensure her patients were still taken care of. She hadn't reached the point of thinking about Rachel. About how she would have to leave her in New York while she went home and how much Quinn had come to need her in her life but would never articulate it for fear that it would drive Rachel away.

"My dad had a heart attack, My mom, she called…she wants me to go home." The word seems foreign to her, the concept of Lima being home was not something that made sense in her head. It had been a long time ago, when she was a different person, Quinn Fabray, Head Cheerio and President of the Celibacy club called Lima home. Home to Dr. Quinn Fabray now meant wherever Rachel Berry was.

She looks at Rachel and sees so much understanding reflected back as if she could divine Quinn's exact thoughts.

"I'll get Marcie to book the tickets and I can take a well deserved break from recording. How much time do you need to rearrange your schedule at the Hospital? I'm thinking we could take a flight out day after tomorrow?" She's planning ahead as always, making decisions for both of them. It's an innate trait that she's never tried to change until she looks at Quinn, shaking her head.

"No." The one word stops her train of thought even as it stills her movement. Rachel's not sure if Quinn is saying no to going home or no to her and she prays that it's the former as much as she knows it's the latter. She knows Quinn though, knows what she's thinking and in this instance she will not comply and let her do this on her own. It was inconceivable that she would want to try but Quinn Fabray was nothing if not stubborn.

"Yes." Rachel does not raise her voice although she does stand up as she says the word, her brown eyes piercing and looking directly at Quinn, her arms akimbo. "My dads are still in Lima and in view of your impending need to be there, well, I seem to also feel that I need to be there as well."

She sees all the different emotions play across Quinn's face as she holds her breath, expecting their first fight. However, she's yet again surprised when Quinn reaches out and pulls her arm, her hand already cupping Rachel's face as she kisses her. The answer not given in words because Quinn was always better with just showing her.

#$#$#$

"It looks to be a serious myocardial infarction although the doctor was good. The reperfusion took place within two hours and tissue damage appears to be minimized. Is he suffering from arrhythmias?" Alex is looking at the scans although his focus is more on Quinn.

He knows some of her familial history, learning bit by bit over the past eight years he's known her. Despite her protestations otherwise, she loved her father and never really recovered from not talking to him. She had come to him yesterday, armed with his scans from the hospital in Lima, seeking his medical opinion, asking for a favor. One that he was glad to grant although he's as always worried that she's taking too much on.

He does know that she's in a relationship now; one that was unconventional not because it was with another woman but because Quinn had changed because of it. She was more open with her emotions and definitely less of a workaholic. She still kept her hours at the hospital but her life didn't revolve around it like it used to. It also made her a better doctor but right now, she was more worried family meber than medical professional and Alex hopes that she'll at least confess her fears to Rachel.

"Yes, though it seems that they're more frequent than they should be." Quinn shows him another chart, glad that she has something in her hands to stop them from shaking. She hasn't seen her father in over ten years and she's currently afraid that he'll die before she does. Rachel had been amazing with all the arrangements, in the end, chartering a private jet because she knew Quinn had to balance her own patients with the strong need to go home as soon as she could.

Alex was a brilliant cardiologist and she trusts his judgment unconditionally which is why she's taken the time to obtain all of her dad's charts for his review. Her mom had been happy and relieved that she had called back; even more so when she broached the subject of getting another medical opinion. She knows she's doing it out of duty more than love although she still cannot deny that he's her father.

"It could indicate more severe damage than what we can see on these scans but without a direct examination, I won't be able to tell. So I guess, you'll have to tell me what time that private jet is leaving?" He's never really taken time away from the hospital because he's never felt the need to. In this instance, he wants to be there for Quinn, knowing that his medical skills are needed but more importantly, Quinn needed as much moral support as she could get.

#$#$#$

"You do not need to come back with me. I'll be fine. Besides, this is all about Quinn." Rachel's trying to pack as Tina and Marcie grill her about her impending trip. Marcie had made all the necessary arrangements and unbeknownst to her, had also included herself in on the trip and when Tina had learnt of it, she had also insisted on accompanying Rachel.

Tina folds one of Rachel's cashmere sweaters as she goes over the arguments in her head as to why Rachel needs them there. She knows how strong Rachel is and ever since she's been with Quinn, she's been so very happy. But that was because they were in New York and Rachel had all of them there and her career. Going back to Lima to visit her dads was one thing, adding Quinn's family situation as well as the fact that Quinn was in touch with Shelby and Beth was just asking for trouble.

Tina knows Rachel well enough to understand that she'd do anything for those she loved but she never recovered from Shelby's snub and god knows Quinn's parents didn't know of their new found relationship. Or if they did, they would never approve and Tina knows how mean Mr. Fabray could get considering her threw his own daughter out of the house.

She just felt that Rachel hadn't considered any of it when she made the decision to go with Quinn. "My parents have been asking me to visit too." It's not exactly a lie. Iris Cohen and Lewis Chang did still reside in Lima although they've spent more time travelling around the country in their Winnebago than they have spent in Ohio in the past few years.

She sees Rachel waver, "You're going to be there for Quinn so let us be there for you." It's as honest as she can be without mentioning Shelby's name and she hopes Rachel understands.

It was obvious that Tina and Marcie were worried and truth be told, she hadn't thought everything through, her focus had been solely on getting Quinn home and being there for her because it wasn't going to be easy. She didn't think about what it meant for her. She wasn't sure if Quinn was going to introduce her to her parents and sister, much less acknowledge their relationship.

Furthermore, she knew Beth and Shelby were still in Lima and that Quinn had been in touch with them. A mother she didn't know and a sister who was Quinn's daughter. It was enough fodder to sell a million magazines and she's not sure she could deal with it all being made public.

However, despite all these thoughts swirling around, all she can focus on is the fact that Quinn had to go back and she wouldn't shirk from that duty even if she was hurt in the process. That thought alone of Quinn being hurt is enough to drive away any of her fears and reservations. "Well, I'm not going to disagree that having both of you there would certainly fortify me should I need it." She snaps her suitcase shut, the sound drowned out by Marcie's and Tina's squeals of delight.

"So I guess, we're all going to Lima."

**End Part 2**


	3. Hello, Goodbye

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**Hello, hello**_

_**I don't know why you say goodbye**_

_**I say hello**_

_**Beatles**_

Rachel's never travelled in an entourage before, always eschewing company for some form of anonymity. Even when she had been with Troy, she insisted that they go away together without any of his hangers on. He had hated doing that but capitulated because he thought it would make him look more accessible to his fans only he never lasted and she would end up flying home by herself.

This time it's different because everyone on the plane was there directly or indirectly not for her per se but for Quinn.

She sees Quinn and Alex's heads bowed as they discuss and review Russell Fabray's medical file. She's seen Quinn like this before. It was the exact look of determination and apprehension that graced her face when she had been her doctor not too long ago. Quinn would never admit that she still loved Russell Fabray but it showed in her every hooded expression and in all her actions since she got the call from her mom.

Rachel just needed to make sure that Quinn didn't end up hurt if her father reverted to type. She remembered him from years ago, all bluster and blond and flawed; always thinking himself righteous despite all his mistakes. If she were being completely honest, Quinn had been exactly like that in high school; Captain of the Cheerios, President of the Celibacy club and Student Council. High school Quinn was always right even when she wasn't. Rachel had firsthand knowledge of how mean Quinn could be but then, subsequently, she also had firsthand knowledge of how loving she was. If Quinn coud change then perhaps Russell could as well and Rachel was hoping that this woud be the case.

"The pilot says we should land in an hour or so. Your dads insisted on meeting us at the airport and they'll drive us to the hotel. I think they want you and Quinn to stay with them but I've booked a suite at the hotel just in case." Marcie's as happy for Rachel as she can be. She would always be a little bit in love with her but would never act on it for fear of ruining their friendship. All she wants is the best for Rachel and is still unsure that this trip constitutes that in any way.

"Have you talked to her about any of it?" Rachel looks at Marcie as she asks the question, knowing it's all she's thought about. How to ask Quinn if she was comfortable in staying with her dads or whether she should accompany her to the hospital; How to broach the subject of whether it would be ok to hold her hand or kiss her in front of her family. All the questions unasked and unanswered not because she didn't want to face them. But she had been trying so hard to give Quinn the space she needed.

She does not want this to be about her or their relationship because Quinn was so intent on being the god doctor that she was. Rachel is well aware that it was a defense mechanism of sorts for the doctor to concentrate on the medical aspects of the case so that she didn't always have to deal with the emotional ones. She had done the same thing with Rachel, trying to distance herself initially, only capitulating when she realized that loving her didn't make her weak instead, it gave her strength.

"Not yet." Rachel's voice is tinged with resignation as she sighs before looking out the window.

"Talk to me about what?" Quinn settles herself in the leather seat next to Rachel and raises the seat divider. She knows she's been too preoccupied the past two days and that Rachel had been patient to a fault with her, as she places her arm around her, Rachel's head coming to rest in the crook of her neck.

"Do you mind staying at my dads' house or would you be more comfortable at the hotel?" She expects Quinn to deliberate the question but is surprised to hear her answer so quickly as she turns to look at her.

"Wherever you're staying. Although I think you'll be more comfortable at home" It's not a difficult question to answer and Quinn figures that Rachel needs something familiar because this entire experience will not be easy for her.

"I'm going to be honest with you. I haven't thought anything through and don't even know what to say to my parents. But I do know that I will try my best not to hurt you in the process. They're my family in name but you're my family in here." She places Rachel's hand over her heart.

Quinn can see the understanding in Rachel's eyes before she settles back on her shoulder, content to spend the remainder of the flight in each other's company.

#$#$#$

Quinn is beginning to detest Lima General Hospital. Visiting Beth had not been such a bad experience in the end but to have to come back now was difficult. She feels Rachel's hand in hers and it helps as they step out of the cold and into the warmth of the building. Alex smiles at the both of them and she feels bad that she views him more as a father than her own.

She sees her mom pacing the hallway and it finally hits her that she's back in Lima and about to see her father for the first time in years. She accepts the hug her mom pulls her into, not reciprocating but not pulling back either as she senses Rachel standing next to her.

"Quinnie, you're here. Thank god you're here." Judy holds onto her daughter afraid that she would change her mind. She recognizes the short brunette who had been holding Quinn's hand. She knows that they're dating, had read all the magazine articles even as she hid them away from Russell.

She doesn't care about it even if she cannot accept it because she needs Quinn now. "He's awake and wants to go home but the doctors here won't release him. He just wants to go home." She looks at her grown daughter, hoping she'd take over, needing her to make the decisions that she was too frighten to make. "Please Quinn, please talk to him. He's so angry."

The plea is clear although Quinn's choices are not. She can refuse her mother and walk out or she could face her father who was most likely belligerent and would refuse her help regardless. She looks at Rachel for some direction and can see the diva nod at her. Indicating her support for whatever choice she makes, her smile telling her she will be there for her.

"Alex, could you please talk to the cardiologist and I'll go and see my dad first." She feels Alex squeeze her shoulder as he nods and her mom breathes an audible sigh of relief as she walks towards the room down the hall. But Quinn does not move as she turns to Rachel. "I want them to know you're in my life."

"While I applaud your commitment to us, I don't think we need the validation right now." She sees Quinn about to argue but stops her as she places her finger on her lips. "Go, see your dad and I'll wait here for you." She finishes with a soft kiss that she knows Judy has witnessed by the shocked look on her face. Rachel waits until Quinn enters the room before going off in search of a coffee cart, hoping that she'll manage to find a decent cup of coffee for the both of them. A good shot of whisky would be ideal but for now, she'd settle for good caffeine.

#$#$#$

"Rachel Berry?" The voice is so familiar as are the graying curls on his head. It transports her back to a time she had long wanted to forget but she's been brought up too well to ignore the greeting.

"Mr. Schuester, hello." Rachel hugs him before he can say anything else. Her hands wrapped tightly around his middle.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm so proud of you but why are you back in Lima?"

Their voices overlap, admiration and sincerity coming through. He's always lived vicariously through his students, encouraging them to be braver, better than he was and Rachel Berry exemplified it in spades. She was fearless despite his misgivings, always pushing herself and the others, making him a better teacher for it. He apologized at graduation for giving her a tough time but she understood his shortcomings and asked him to wish her luck instead.

"Emma. She's out of medical grade disinfectant and I'm getting her a refill." They've been married for ten years now but he still thinks it's their honeymoon period where everything she did was adorable and his love for her increased every day.

Rachel smiles, remembering that their flirty glances throughout high school had even rivaled her romance with Finn. "I guess my belated congratulations are in order on your marriage to Ms. Pillsbury. I'm here …Well, I'm here with Quinn." She notes that he's not too surprised at her revelation as he nods. She doesn't expect him not to approve but she knows he had been witnessed to their antagonistic relationship in high school. "We've both changed." He nods again, this time smiling as if her words are enough for him to accept that things really do change.

"If the both of you are staying, we'd love to have you stop by at Glee Club sometime. The kids sill don't believe you sang in the same room even though the pictures in the trophy case prove otherwise." He still can't get over the fact that Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray are together but stranger thing have happened and Rachel looked truly happy.

"That'll be great Mr. Schue." She comfortably falls back into their old roles of mentor and student. Visiting high school again with Quinn by her side would actually go a long way to negate any residual dreadful memories she had of her past. Not that she thinks Quinn would ever revert to who she was before. However, Rachel knows that it's something that Quinn still feels guilty about and maybe a trip down memory lane would be good for both of them to finally expunge any past hurts.

#$#$#$

Quinn does not greet him hello, as she enters the room. Instead, she stands at in the doorway as her mother fusses around his bed. She meets his eyes, not defiant but she does not look away even as his face twists into a sneer. She expects his voice to drip with hate, only he does not say anything as he continues to stare at her.

"Honey, Quinn's finally here. She's flown all the way from New York to see you." Her mother's voice has that false sense of cheeriness that hides her nervousness as she finally sits next to the bed, her hand on Russell's folded ones.

He's surprised that she came so quickly, never assuming that she wouldn't but also expecting her to only arrive on the weekend. He guesses that she does feel indebted to him as she should and it was his Christian duty to ensure she understood the error of her ways. "I don't hear an apology." His voice is weak but the words still clear as he waits for her to speak.

Quinn does not expect anything less from him but she holds her tongue as she sees her mother close to tears. Instead, she grabs the chart at the end of the bed and flips through it, collecting her thought as she reviews the words and figures before her.

"Why are you here if you haven't come to apologize?" She finally hears the expected sneer in his voice and thinks of Rachel waiting for her outside before taking a breath and looking at him again.

"I'm here because …" She would always feel beholden but it wasn't the reason she had come. "A colleague of mine has reviewed your case and he's going to consult with your doctor here on some of his findings about your heart attack and subsequent episodes." Quinn can see the slight fear in her father's eyes, his brush with mortality not something he was likely to forget.

She still can't admit that she does want to see him because she knows he would use it against her. "I have nothing to apologize for. I asked for your forgiveness seventeen years ago and you never gave it. So, I stopped waiting. I'm here because she thought I could help. Not because you're my father but because I'm a doctor and she asked me to come. I'm not here for you." Quinn knows she's lying even as the words leave her mouth. He's her father and she needed to be there even if he didn't want her. She can see the effect of her words though as his face go red with anger and does not wait for the vitriolic words that would follow as she turns to stride out of the room.

"Bye mom. I'll call you tomorrow." She wishes her mom would walk out with her but all she hears is her mom's voice telling her father to calm down. She can hear his harsh words directed at her audacity and the blame fall onto her mother for asking her to come.

She hopes Rachel isn't outside to hear it and is relieved to just see Alex there, his face sympathetic. "What did his doctor say?" She knows he would comfort her if she asks but he also understands that she finds comfort in her profession.

"He concurs that his heart muscles are more damaged than the initial scan had shown. The scarring of his left ventricle will lead to ventricular tachycardia. His drinking hasn't helped and it's going to be difficult getting him on the donor list." Her hazel eyes finally showing the emotion he knows is lurking just beneath her calm façade.

"How long does he have?" She never expected to have to say goodbye in this way.

"With surgery, three months or so, if he's lucky. Otherwise, a few weeks."He sees her eyes close and he wants to reach out to her. But Rachel is there, as she approaches Quinn, her arms coming around her as the sobs she had been holding back since her mother's call, finally break free.

**End part 3**


	4. Poker Face

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**Can't read my, can't read my**_

_**No he can't read my poker face**_

_**She's got to love nobody**_

_**Can't read my, can't read my**_

_**No he can't read my poker face**_

_**She's got to love nobody**_

_**Lady Gaga**_

She feels angry and helpless but cannot show any of it as she listens to the doctor go over his findings with them. Rachel is holding her hand and it's the only thing that is keeping her in her seat and quiet as she looks at her mother's face lined with worry and apprehension. They had to rush to the hospital early this morning when he father had another episode, indicating his deteriorating condition.

"We need to convene a transplant panel to assess your father's viability to be a transplant candidate. His liver function shows some signs of cirrhosis and we need to ensure that he's committed to making a full recovery and that there are no absolute contraindications. However, if you and Dr. Young are willing to go on record, it would greatly improve his chances."

Quinn knows her mother is looking at her, expecting her to agree wholeheartedly. She feels the weight of her decision press down upon her, her chest tightens as she sucks in a breath. The only thing stopping her from leaving is Rachel's calming presence by her side, her thumb rubbing soothing circles on her palm.

"Quinn, tell the doctor that you'll speak to the panel." Judy's voice is strained but determined as she stares at her youngest daughter. Her expression now filled with some hope, knowing that Quinn can help, anticipating her positive response. Only her daughter does not look at her, instead, she looks at the woman holding her hand.

"Quinn." Her voice is sharp.

Rachel's head jerks up at Judy Fabray's voice, her expression no longer neutral as she hears the tone it has taken but its Alex's calming voice that cuts through the tension. "Mrs. Fabray, I believe that we won't have an issue speaking on behalf of your husband provided that we are both in agreement that he is as committed to his recovery as you are."

He sees Judy Fabray nod, her eyes still focused on Quinn and Rachel's intertwined hands. It's a look that speaks volumes; much like her daughter, her eyes expresses what she does not say out loud. A look that does not condone or understand what she sees before her. However, he is at least comforted by the fact that she has not articulated her disapproval, at least not yet.

Alex finally understands why Quinn is the way she is and is even more impressed by what she has made of herself and accomplished thus far. Her formative years could not have been easy, molded by Judy and Russell's warped influence. His brief meeting with Russell highlighted a flawed man, driven by excesses. A man who could not discern the value of his daughter over the misconception of his beliefs was a man who didn't deserve Quinn.

However, he can see that despite her strong protestations, Quinn still cared deeply for her parents. She had channeled that into her work and for that he's proud although he understands that she has also suffered from it. He sees her finally look at her mother and speak.

"We need to talk to him first. I need to make sure he understands that this second chance comes with a price. A price that I am sure he is not willing to pay." Quinn takes courage from Rachel's presence and her continued stoic silence, knowing that it can't be easy for her to be there under her mother's scrutiny, trying her best to ignore her cold disapproving looks.

"He's a changed man, Quinn, you would know that if you had visited." There is no accusation in her voice, only resignation as she looks at her younger daughter, wishing that things had been different. Frannie had been their first but Quinn had always been Russell's favorite. He had pinned all his hopes on her, expecting her to follow in his footsteps, wanting the best for her.

Her unexpected pregnancy had been a blow to them all but she had been so young, not understanding the impact it had on them. Russell had changed the day he had kicked her out. She had noticed it almost immediately, the way his attention would wander midway through a conversation as if expecting Quinn's interjection at any moment, only she hadn't been there.

The most telling change was when he stopped caring about hiding his infidelities. He had placed Quinn on a pedestal and she had disappointed him. So his own indiscretions became habit as opposed to exceptions until she left him. Quinn had come home then, chastised and remorseful. When Russell followed suit, she had been thankful that she had her family back.

But everything had been fractured beyond recognition, Quinn and Russell both so alike that they couldn't deal with each other's shortcomings, choosing instead to ignore and eventually disregard their familial affiliation. Quinn had gone away to college never intending to return and Russell drank even more than he did previously. "Please give him a chance. He needs us now. He needs you."

Guilt weighs even heavier upon her. Not regretting any of the decisions she had made but acknowledging that she is far from perfect. She had bullied and dismissed Rachel in high school only to realize that she was special and unique and the one person she was meant to be with. Perhaps this was her chance to validate her true feeling for her dad as well. "I'll talk to him. " She finally responds to her mom as she gets up and nods at Alex.

"Why don't you go back to your dads. I'll meet you there as soon as I can." Quinn captures Rachel's lips before she can answer, not as a show of defiance but to ensure that her mother understood what Rachel meant to her.

When she enters her father's room, she composes herself, praying that none of the emotions she's feeling shows on her face. He does not face her until she sits by his bed, her mother again fussing with his pillow. When he does finally look at her, she's taken aback by the fact that he looks so old and despite the years that have passed; she still feels the pull to acknowledge her father even as she looks dispassionately at him.

#$#$#$#

Tina and Marcie were on their way over, with chocolates and completely prepared to watch a slew of Broadway musicals while waiting with her for Quinn's return.

Rachel's already unpacked for the both of them and rearranged the clothes in the drawers twice. Quinn still hadn't come back or called and she's so tempted to call her only she notices that in their hurry to get to the hospital that morning, Quinn had left her phone behind. She had taken her pager as any doctor would, but not her phone.

So when it rings, Rachel thinks nothing of answering it, expecting to hear Quinn's contrite voice."You know, for someone whom I love and is considered so brilliant, I can't believe how forgetful you actually are." The intake of breath and accompanying silence is enough to indicate that Quinn wasn't the one who called "I'm so sorry, this is Quinn Fabray's phone and I'm Rachel."

"Rachel?" The voice is so familiar, a visceral memory for her past that sends her staggering back until her body hits her dresser. She knows Quinn had been in touch with Shelby but knowing that as a distant truth was different from having to confront the fact that she was speaking to her biological mother who had been incapable of loving her and had not wanted to be in her life.

"Mo…Shelby, I…Quinn's not here. I'll…Do you want her to call you back?" Her free hand presses into her stomach, trying to control her breathing, not wanting to express the emotion building up within her. She was Rachel Berry, Broadway star and she had found someone to love and who loved her. She had friends and two fathers who doted on her still. Her life was complete, she was beyond happy.

At least that's what she tells herself. Only, she knows that she'll always feel the sting of being unwanted, of not being able to forge a relationship with Shelby because she had expected Rachel to need her as oppose to just want her in her life.

"Rachel, it's good to.."

She doesn't want to hear the platitudes that Shelby feels incline to give as she cuts her off, "I'll tell Quinn you called." Hanging up the call, before Shelby can say anything else because it still hurt despite all her accolades, Shelby's rejection of her sixteen years ago still hurt. She's still reeling when she hears Tina's voice from the staircase outside.

"Rachel, you will never believe who I just ran into in town. Puckerman's looking good." Tina always had a bit of a crush on Puck. To be honest, she had a crush on all the Glee guys including Finn at one time or another. She just never acted on it, choosing to go out with Artie and Mike because she had been so surprised they had showed interest in her to begin with.

She had always felt a bit apart in high school and initially chose to remain in the background, not being able to express herself until she joined Glee. Even then, it had taken a few years before she felt completely comfortable with whom she was and Rachel played a big part in that. She hadn't liked her at first, her drive and determination scared Tina as much as her talent impressed her. Eventually, she had come to respect Rachel because she had not been afraid to fight for what she wanted, never giving up despite setbacks and countless of snide remarks from almost everyone.

It had taken years to appreciate Rachel's unique personality and understand that she would do anything to protect Rachel now because she was a true friend who deserved so much. "He's running his own auto shop and still has those arms to die for." She sees Marcie's eyes widen at her words. "What, I'm married, not blind." And it sends both of them into a giggling fit only to notice Rachel's blanched face.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling alright? Is it Quinn? "Marcie's questions come so quick as she rushes into the room, Tina almost in step with her as she looks at Rachel slumped against her dresser, Quinn's phone held tightly in one hand as the other is wrapped around her middle as if she was in pain.

"Rachel, sweetie, don't make me call Quinn." Tina's voice finally gets through to her as she looks down at the phone in her hand, contemplating what she needed to do.

"Quinn left her phone and I thought she was calling, only it was Shelby." Even saying the name causes her voice to hitch, her focus now shifts as she looks around her old room, trying to recapture the sense of belonging and stability that she had felt before she took the call.

"Oh, Fuck.I'm so sorry." Tina had been worried about this exact scenario. Rachel only talked about Shelby once, years ago. She had won her first Tony and had been feeling on top of the world. Her dads had accompanied her to the awards and were so proud with her performance. At the after party, she had drunk too much champagne and had been on her way out when Patti Lupone pulled her into a hug, congratulating her. Tina had expected Rachel to go into fangirl mode but she had burst into tears instead.

In the car, she had told Tina all about how she had fantasized that Patti Lupone had been her mom in high school; how she had even run the theory passed Jesse who had eventually steered her to the correct path. Then, she had met Shelby, proving that genetics played a big part in who she was from their love of gold stars to their talent. Rachel had thought she had finally found the one thing that was missing from her life; the one thing that would have made high school just a bit more bearable.

Only, Shelby had realized she didn't want a grown daughter as she hadn't been equipped to handle her grown up issues. So Rachel had been cast aside in lieu of Beth. Rachel never blamed Beth but she also never really recovered from the snub.

"She's a fool and she doesn't deserve to be related to you."

Rachel smiles although it does not reflect in her eyes. No matter what she had achieved and all the love she has been privy to, be it from her friends or her dads and even from Quinn, she can't help but suddenly feel a bit bereft. Shelby's call had unearthed something within her. Something that she thought she had made peace with, a lifetime ago. Something that she knows she will have to hide from Quinn because it could affect the both of them.

"Yeah, I'm good. I was just a bit thrown by the encounter. But you're right and I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention it to Quinn, at least not yet." She can see the uncertainty in their faces. "She's under so much pressure with her dad ill. This is not a big deal. I was just taken by surprise. Nothing has changed, I'm still Rachel Berry, three time Tony winner and recording artist. Shelby was a long time ago. She can't affect me anymore." Her acting has never been better even as her heart aches for a mother she doesn't know.

**End Part 4**


	5. Home

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**Suddenly my world's gone and changed its face**_

_**But I still know where I'm going (where I'm going)**_

_**I have had my mind spun around in space**_

_**And yet I've watched it growing**_

_**If you're listening God, please don't make it hard to go**_

_**To know if we should believe the things that we see**_

_**Tell us should we try and stay (should we stay)**_

_**Or should we run away?**_

_**Or would it be better just to let things be?**_

_**The Wiz**_

"Beth, you'll be late for school." She can't stop thinking about Rachel. Hearing her voice wasn't the only shock as she assimilated what Rachel had said when she answered Quinn's phone. The allusion was that she and Quinn were together, that she loved Quinn. Shelby never really asked Quinn about her private life. All their calls and interactions had been solely focused on Beth.

Truth be told, she's tried her best to not think of Rachel even as she was bombarded with news on her first daughter's success. Even now, she cannot read articles on Rachel or watch any of her TV appearances or movies. But it was difficult not to look at the headlines while standing in line at the supermarket. She knew Rachel had been ill but was on her way to recovery and that she was seeing someone.

The fact that it was Quinn made it so complicated. Having Quinn visit Beth last year was the right thing to do and their continued relationship had also bolstered Beth's confidence. She had been thrilled when Quinn had left her a message saying she would be back in Lima. She felt bad that Quinn's father had taken ill but knew that Beth would be happy with seeing her again. Shelby just didn't expect Rachel to also come into the picture. She cannot help but feel regret each time she thought of Rachel but also accepts that it had been her choice and not Rachel's.

"Hey Mom, do you think Quinn will like the CD I made for her and do you think she'll be surprised at my transfer?" Beth tucks her hair behind her ear, something Shelby knows she had picked up from her. She remembers Rachel having the same mannerism and it hits her that her choice to not pursue a relationship with Rachel was diametrically opposite to the choice Quinn had made for Beth.

"Mom? Is everything ok, did you call her? Is she not here yet?" The rapid fire questions another trait of hers that Beth had picked up and Shelby tries to focus but cannot get Rachel out of her head. She hadn't seen her daughter in sixteen years. The last time had been at Rachel's graduation.

It had been a last minute decision on Shelby's part and she had snuck in the back, in time to see Rachel on stage and hear the names she had been called over the loudspeaker. She knew that she could have stayed to comfort her daughter but she had been selfish then and went home to Beth instead. "Yeah, I think she's in town already. She'll call back when she has more time."

"Oookay, but who were you talking to?" Beth had heard her mom on the phone. She had been trying to eavesdrop from the stairs, hoping that Quinn would come over today. She loves Shelby with all her heart but she couldn't help but notice that Quinn had the same hands she did and the way she smiled was just like looking into a mirror.

"It was a friend of Quinn's. No one you know." It had been a conscious decision not to tell Beth about Rachel. It was easier on her to start from scratch and she didn't even have the intention of keeping in touch with Quinn in the early years. She had been relieved when Quinn moved away and stopped visiting Lima. In the end, her worry for her daughter drove her to hire a private investigator to find Quinn, needing to know what Quinn's teenage years had been like, hoping that she could help her understand Beth's issues.

"You know I love you, right?" Shelby was an amazing mom and Beth knew that she was bound to feel threatened with Quinn's presence. But she knew the difference between having a mom and wanting to know her biological mother. Shelby was her home but Quinn was her compass.

Shelby's open arms encloses around her daughter, hugging her as tightly as she would allow. All the while reconciling her warring thoughts of wanting to meet Rachel now that she was home and not wanting to disrupt Beth's life again with this new revelation.

#$#$#$#

Regardless of wherever she went or where her apartment was, Rachel had always considered this house, her home. It was filled with so many memories, good and bad. But most importantly, it was where she learnt what love was every time she saw her dads. It gave her comfort and strenght in her difficult High School years, always knowing that one day, eventually she would find a similar love. She never planned on it being a waman and definitely not Quinn but everything felt right and Quinn felt like home. So the thought of losing her to Beth was a frightening one.

Rachel can feel Marcie's eyes on her throughout the movie and it worries her that Quinn will pick up on that when she returned. "I'm fine." She looks directly at Marcie as she says the words hoping that her acting is up to par. She knows that Marcie's mom had died when she was five and every year on the anniversary of her death, she would retreat to her apartment, not take any calls and vacillate between crying bouts and drinking as much tequila she could without throwing up.

They had both grown up without mothers and were successful in their own rights. She wants to convince herself that because she didn't need Shelby to get to where she was and therefore really didn't need her now. "Being an egg donor does not automatically make her important to me. I was just not expecting to hear her voice. But now that I have, I promise you that it has not impacted me in any way. Your mom didn't choose to leave you." She sees Marcie's eyes widen as she shrugs, "I'm sorry but right now, I need to be there for Quinn and trust me when I tell you that I don't need her in my life."

"Who don't you need?" Quinn's voice is unexpected as she enters Rachel's room, walking over to the bed and giving her a kiss before she can answer.

"Bernadette Peters." Tina nearly shouts the name as Quinn turns to look at her, a bit surprised. "We were discussing which seminal Broadway star Rachel still needed to have around. It was a close fight between Bernadette Peters and Patti Lupone." She sees Rachel's look of relief and Quinn's look of indulgence as she chuckles and kisses Rachel again.

"We should go." Marcie's main gift besides being a damn good contract negotiator was her ability to read Rachel. To look at her and know when she was holding back or when she was just not being honest with herself. She had done it when Rachel had initially tried to ignore her medical condition and later when she was dealing with her new found feelings for Quinn. Right now, Marcie could tell that regardless of what she said, Rachel was still reeling from the call with Shelby and she needed support but she was not going to ask Quinn for it.

"Shelby called your phone. She wants you to call her back. I picked up the call." She sees Rachel blanch at her words but Quinn doesn't as she looks at Marcie.

"Thanks." She settles next to Rachel, her arm automatically going around the diminutive brunette, settling in because the upcoming talk was going to be a long one. She knows that it's the one thing that they haven't really discussed with each other. Rachel had been so understanding about Beth and Quinn's growing relationship, always supportive but never questioning. She never mentioned Shelby either. Quinn knows that it can't be easy for Rachel to know that her biological mother, who had chosen not to have her in her life, specifically chose to raise Quinn's daughter instead.

Quinn's been thinking about it ever since they got togehter. She's more or less pieced together the fact that Rachel didn't blame her for giving Beth to Shelby and she didn't blame Shelby for not being in her life. SHe definitely didn't blame Beth either considering she always asked after her when Quinn called. So by process of elimination, Quinn figured that deep down, Rachel blamed herself.

She sees Marcie turn to give Rachel a worried look and her heart skips a beat. It wasn't that long ago, Rachel had been ill and she still had nightmares about losing Rachel. It's something else she has tried to shield Rachel from with little success. It's not that she thinks Rachel cannot handle it but more the fact that she wants to protect Rachel from part of herself that even she wants to hide.

She knows Marcie carries a torch for Rachel and can completely understand the attraction. Quinn does not feel threatened but accepts that Marcie would do anything to protect Rachel as would she. Hence if Marcie was worried, then something was definitely up with Rachel and she needed to fix it.

"So how was your day?" It's an innocuous enough question that Quinn hopes to segue into finding out why Marcie looked so worried.

"Productive up to a point, I unpacked and organized the closet and I think I may cover one of the songs from American Idiot on my album." Rachel's hand idly strokes Quinn's arm as she slowly begins to kiss the base of her neck. She doesn't want to talk right now, knowing that Quinn's perfected the art of reading her and talking about Shelby would only sour the mood and make Quinn feel even guiltier that she should.

Rachel focuses on Quinn's pulse point, her teeth lightly grazing her skin as she feels Quinn shiver. Her hand slowly tracing downwards as she expertly unbuttons Quinn's top.

"You answered my phone didn't you?" Her voice is soft, hoping that the words won't hurt Rachel but she feels Rachel freeze, her hand stilling on the last button on her shirt. She holds onto Rachel's wrist before she can turn away, trying to recall her psychology module from med school, hoping that she's doing the right thing here.

"So you can use sex as a distraction but I'm not allowed to?" Her tone is cutting and she sees Quinn recoil but she does not let go of Rachel's wrist even as she tries to pull back. It's a particularly low blow but one that she feels justified in making because the alternative is talking about Beth and Shelby and she never wants Quinn to have to make a choice between her and Beth. Shelby had already done so and she's not sure she could survive if Quinn made a similar choice.

"She's the one who's flawed, not you. Her decision wasn't because of anything you did." Rachel recalls similar words from Tina but no matter the source or the reiteration, she does feel like Shelby's decision had been due to her neediness that bled through all their encounters.

"Do we have to talk about this now considering the attractiveness of the alternative?" Rachel straddles Quinn, her tongue trailing the side of her neck before she stops and whispers in Quinn's ear, "Please."

Her entreaty so poignant that Quinn cannot in any way rebuff her, as she guides Rachel's hand toward her lips and kisses her open palm. Deep down, she knows that Rachel is hurting and that their physical connection is not going to change that fact. However, it's beyond her to deny giving Rachel any form of respite so she takes off her top and pulls Rachel close.

#$#$#$

Quinn hears Rachel's even breaths as she pulls the blanket around their bodies, her arm still possessively curled around Rachel. She feels satisfied both physically and emotionally although she knows that it's not the same for Rachel. They had connected physically and Rachel had been passionate only she couldn't quite hold Quinn's gaze, always looking away knowing that Quinn would be able to read the residual hurt in her eyes.

It scares her to think that she can't take away Rachel's pain, that no matter what she offered of herself, Rachel would get hurt regardless. It's a sobering thought leading to a stark reality that her link to Beth and to Shelby will end up hurting Rachel and if she wanted to remain in Beth's life, that outcome was inevitable.

She hears her phone ring and snags it off the side table, muffling the sound so as not to wake Rachel. The number is familiar and she can picture Beth on the other end of the line, her lower lip caught between her teeth; a crease on her forehead as she waits for Quinn to pick up the phone. Shelby is probably there, in the background, ensuring that Beth was looked after and had everything she needed.

Quinn hears Rachel sigh as she burrows closer to her side and her arm tightens around her. The contact enough to highlight that despite all the challenges and changes she has been facing, Rachel is her constant, her home and she won't jeopardize that in any way.

She lets the call go unanswered as she settles back into bed, knowing she won't get any sleep but not wanting to leave Rachel alone. She doesn't want to think of her dad or of Beth, right now only focusing on the brunette in her arms.

**End Chapter 5**


	6. Losing My Religion

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**Life is bigger**_

_**It's bigger than you & you are not me**_

_**The lengths that I will go to**_

_**The distance in your eyes**_

_**I've said enough**_

_**REM**_

Russell sees them outside his room, their hands intertwined as his daughter whispers something causing the other woman to blush. Quinn doesn't even have the decency to move away from his line of sight when she turns to kiss the woman such that it's up to him to look away and try and pray for her salvation.

He still cannot pinpoint where he had gone wrong in raising her. She had been perfect in every way, growing up. All through middle school and up to most of high school she had been exemplary, a model daughter that he was proud of. Always striving to be the best and coming to him for advice and guidance.

He still regrets the day that boy had come into their house, a wolf in sheep's clothing. Finn Hudson had the audacity to step into his home after violating his daughter and their trust. Throwing Quinn out had been the most difficult decision of his life but he had been justified. She had made a mockery of his trust and love and he had no other choice. She needed to learn a lesson, one that she would never forget and eventually he knew that he would take her back.

Only, he had regretted the decision the second she walked out the door but he was too proud to call her back. Her sin had become his as he gave in to his base instincts, his infidelities explained away not as a weakness but as a consequence of the disappointments in his life. Deep down, he never gave up hope, always knowing that Quinn would come to her senses. That he raised her well and she would see the error of her ways.

In some ways she had; the decision to give up the bastard child being the first and subsequently going back to church. He would see her sitting in the back, head down in prayer and on those days, he would stay with Judy and not feel like he needed an outlet.

Judy had taken him back eventually, again turning a blind eye to his wandering ways but what rankled most was Quinn never looked at him in the same way again. He remembered a time when she looked at him as if he could do no wrong only to have her now look at him, contempt in her eyes.

She had eventually chosen to stay away and he never reached out. Only keeping tabs on her from afar, monitoring her career trajectory that he knows deep down was partly because of him. He knew of the tabloid stories, even Lima wasn't shielded from the gossip especially when it concerned its prodigal daughters.

He can quote chapter and verse of the Bible, Genesis, Leviticus, Corinthians and more importantly Romans 1:26-27. All the verses highlighting that his Quinn had once again sinned; her return not in triumph but in disgrace. And as he took credit for her becoming a doctor, he knows he has to take the blame for her sin as well. He didn't when she got pregnant and he knows he has to now.

#$#$#$

Quinn can see that her father's awake but cannot bring herself to enter his room, instead loitering outside, holding onto Rachel.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" The question is asked without even considering that she would be just as affected by Russell as Quinn would be; even more so because he would blame her for Quinn's choice in being with her.

"No." Quinn's answer is firm as she leans in, not caring that her father is privy to her every interaction with Rachel. She does not want to hide anything or to pretend that it does not exist for his benefit. She and her mom had spent too much of their life doing that when she was growing up that she knows she will never revert back to that Quinn. The Quinn who had been raised to believe she was better than other people, the Quinn who spent her time bullying the one person who would love her the most.

"I'll be fine. He needs to realize that I'm not…I'm not his daughter anymore."Even as she says the words, she can see Rachel not believe them because she doesn't either. She can't divorce herself from being Russell Fabray's daughter anymore than she can erase her past behavior in school. "Ok, he needs to realize that I'm not the Quinn from high school. I'm the Quinn who loves Rachel Berry."

She finally sees Rachel nod at her words as she turns to walk to her father's room, their arms still linked, her finger trailing down Rachel's arm until she reaches her fingertips, stilling because she's reluctant to end their final connection.

"Remember we have Glee Club practice later." Rachel sees Quinn react to her words, a look of surprise on her face. "Mr. Schue says his class is expecting us later today.I thought it would be fun." She wants to show Quinn that even though their past interactions hadn't always been pleasant, Glee Club was the one place that they had fit, not always together but definitely as a group of complete opposites, of misfits and school royalty.

"I'll be there."

#$#$#$

She sees him with his rosary in his hand; each bead smoothened over time by his fingers deftly rolling it around as he recited the words of prayer. Only he's not reciting anything right now as they hang limply from his hands, his eyes never leaving her face.

"You look well." He can see her surprise at his words even though they are true. She looks beautiful, happy and different from when he last saw her. She never knew that he had gone up to New York five years ago. He had been on a bender, having broken off one affair only to immediately start another, this time with the wife of one of the church deacons. In the end, he needed to get away so he flew to New York.

The newspaper article detailing her story of winning the Lasker award was tucked into his shirt pocket, the address of the hospital where she worked, already memorized. The taxi ride was too long and the driver too loud but he ignored it all, the constant pounding in his head from his hangover, already taking up most of his concentration.

He had walked into the hospital, not really expecting anything; thinking that his presence would be enough to get Quinn to realize that she made a mistake by cutting him out of her life. When he saw her, white coat open, a stethoscope round her neck, it had been a revelation of sorts. She looked older, tired and sad. She was smiling at a nurse but he could tell even from afar that her hazel eyes were not lighting up like they used to.

She had looked up passed him and he had been tempted to wave only he didn't in the end. Instead he watched as she turned to walk away, her shoulders slightly slumped, head down; her face only finally lighting up when an older doctor called out to her. She didn't look defeated as much as wore it like a badge and he knew he couldn't reach out to her then. She had chosen her own path just as much as he had and he very much doubted that his presence would make her happy. Perhaps in time, their paths would cross again, it had to.

"That woman that you're with…." His voice is even, no judgment in his tone but he sees her stiffen nonetheless; Quinn's look of surprise turning into a hint of anger. "She's from around here, a singer?"

He sees his daughter nod her head but she does not respond, her expression hard as she straightens her back and waits for his words.

"How long have you been…together." The last word is strained; his fingers curl around the rosary so tightly that he knows that the indentations into his palm will be there for some time.

Quinn is surprise at the lack of rhetoric and even more so by the lack of scripture being quoted. She's still wary though because she knows that he hasn't changed. That he's still the same bigot dressed as a respectable man. "It'll be nine months next week. We've been together almost nine months although sometimes it feels like forever. I want it to be forever" Quinn does not want to shy away from the truth though she sees her words affecting him as his hand tightens further around his rosary.

"Even if it's wrong?"Again, his tone bears no condemnation, a question being posed as he looks at her, waiting for an answer.

"Who's to say its wrong?" Quinn holds up her hand, stopping his next words as she takes a deep breath before continuing, "The bible is full of contradictions; of telling us to love each other as Jesus loves us and then to deny adulterers and to sacrifice children in the name of God. Metaphors abound as do literal interpretations. All I know is she makes me feel complete, happy and I love her." She expects the vitriolic words to come, steeling herself for the onslaught only to be surprised yet again.

"It's my fault really. Maybe I should have been there more for you when you were growing up instead of leaving it to your mother. I'm sorry." He actually means it although he is surprised by the look of exasperation on Quinn's face. "You're my daughter, I was wrong in not taking blame for what happened to you in high school when you got into trouble and I'm trying not to repeat that mistake now. What you're doing, it's not right in the eyes of God." His voice is resigned, soft as if he knows that if he raises it, she would walk away.

She can't believe what's she's hearing and actually wishes for rhetoric instead. "What I'm doing is living my life the only way I know how. What I'm doing, is loving someone who makes me happy and to be honest Rachel actually wants me to help you despite knowing that you're going to condemn her." She sees him wince at Rachel's name and it's the trigger for her.

"Rachel is ten times the person you'll ever be. You're a hypocrite and you won't even admit it to yourself. You're dying, you know that….I'm here because I don't want to be like you, I don't want to regret not telling you that I.…I want to forgive you." She feels the tears roll down her cheek as she swipes them away with her hand.

Quinn looks at the man before her, finally realizing that she's so scared to be like him, that his blood runs through her veins and try as she might to deny it, she was his daughter and like him, she had made so many mistakes. Some of which she still needs to make up for regardless of what Rachel has said.

Russell feels so old all at once. Each breath he takes like a countdown to his eventual demise and it does scare him. His views were always so clear in his mind, God and Family were his cornerstones once. In the beginning, it had been his compass of sorts, giving him direction and certainty. But he had strayed so far, blaming it all on his disappointment in Quinn or Judy's lack of understanding. For the first time, he sees things more clearly that he has ever experienced before. He had been hanging on to vestiges of his religion forgoing any chance of reconciliation with the people he loved or who loved him regardless.

"I'm dying." He sees her swallow at his words, her eyes downcast. "Maybe instead of wasting the time I have left arguing, you could tell me about your life. Maybe not about….Rachel…not yet." It's the best he can do right now and he hopes she understands that. Religion couldn't be his compass now and perhaps forging a connection with Quinn was worth losing his way.

Quinn slowly nods her head, not trusting herself to speak as yet as she goes over his overture in her head. She had come to Lima not really knowing what to expect except for the worse and this development was something she had secretly hoped for. Never wanting to consider it because she was so sure that it would never occur; that Russell Fabray was too set in his ways to ever consider changing.

"Not yet." She repeats the words softly, finally looking back at him, acknowledging that they were so alike. "But soon."

**End Part 6**


	7. Time Warp

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**It's astounding, time is fleeting**_

_**Madness takes its toll**_

_**But listen closely, not for very much longer**_

_**I've got to keep control**_

_**Rocky Horror Pictureshow**_

Quinn is utterly exhausted but she won't disappoint Rachel or Mr. Schue as she parks outside the familiar building. The sky is overcast and she can feel a storm coming. Her instincts are not far wrong as she sees the students dashing around, trying to keep all the equipment scattered around the football field before the rains come.

It's a weird feeling to be back at school and something that she knows would affect Rachel as well despite her protestations. She remembers high school in two distinct parts, before Beth and after. Externally she hadn't shown any difference, donning on her cheerios outfit junior year and acting as if nothing had changed.

But everything had changed the second she had given Beth up. Only she couldn't acknowledge any of it instead sublimating all her feelings into extra AP classes, cheerios practice and glee.

She wasn't proud of the fact that she had taken a lot of it out on Rachel as well, blaming her for not making the same mistakes with Puck or Finn and being so jealous that despite everything that was thrown at her, she never wavered or cried, at least not in front of anyone. Rachel had never been afraid to show her emotions, storming out of rehearsals or berating the glee club when they didn't perform up to scratch but she never showed defeat.

The only time she had seen Rachel cry was when she sang to Finn, apologizing for not believing in him and even then, it wasn't about her own pain or failure. It was only in college taking psychology classes that she realized how badly she had behaved and why. It wasn't self diagnosis as much as a revelation of how stupid and childish she had been. She had chosen to start afresh, cut off ties with her family and make up for all the bad things she had done, which surprisingly led her here today.

The walk across the asphalt towards the front entrance takes her only a minute as she feels the first drops of rain begin to fall and rushes towards the entrance before the downpour begins. The hallway is deserted but the pathway to the choir room is so familiar that even without the sound of distant singing, she would have been able to find it.

She looks through the glass panel, smiling as she se Rachel standing amongst the students, shorter than most but with such presence that it's difficult not to spot her in the crowd. Mr. Schue is standing next to the piano as always but it's the girl standing next to Rachel that catches her eye.  _Beth_.

She immediate wonders if Rachel knows and the sidelong glance and smile they give each other indicates that perhaps they do. It's surreal to see them together, like a reprieve of some sort because vicariously she gets to relive a part of high school with Rachel through Beth.

Where Rachel's surrounded by people who hold her in awe, who are amazed with her talent and understand what an amazing person she was. Unlike sixteen years ago where they never recognized how lucky they were to have Rachel with them. Her earlier experience with her father coupled with Beth's sudden appearance here was overwhelming and she's at a lost as to what to do and how to react.

She's so caught up with her thoughts that she does not notice Rachel looking at her until she opens the door and grabs her hand. "It's about time. I think Mr. Schue was close to thinking I had made you up." Quinn gives Rachel's hand a squeeze, trying to convey so much through that single touch. It's still miraculous to her how just being able to touch Quinn makes her happy. In return, she knows that somehow, her touch means a lot to Quinn as well.

She sees Rachel turn to glance at her, a smile gracing her face as her eyes sparkle. Her entire expression open and understanding. It was as if Rachel could divine her chaotic thoughts and just by looking at her, she feels calmer, more centered.

"Quinn, welcome back." He's still surprised at their relationship but Emma had rightly pointed out that if the both of them were happy and out then who was he to doubt anything. And they did look happy, Rachel lighting up the minute she spotted Quinn at the door and Quinn's glorious smile when Rachel turned to her.

He remembers them in high school, both of them started out so far, apart different in every facet except for their dedication to glee club. It would seem that they had changed over time drifting closer and closer together until finally revolving around each other, finding their path together. "Rachel's been kind enough to sing with the club."

"Well, only because they know all my albums and have slavishly memorized all my dance moves and not to mention the fact that they're super talented and have my work ethic." She smiles as she says all this, hoping to convey that she's loved every minute spent with them.

"Naturally." Quinn fights to urge to kiss Rachel, knowing that Rachel's holding herself back as well as she looks at her. "So, what are we singing next?" She turns to see Beth shyly walk towards her.

"Hi, umm, I guess surprise!" She had hoped to see Quinn, knowing that she and Rachel Berry were more than friends. Her mom had been more affected by the news than she had and it had been a surprise. She was sixteen and not six and had devoured every piece of information she could find about Quinn Fabray after she had come to the hospital to visit her and even read her piece in the Times.

So she knew about Rachel Berry and the way they had met each other. It had sounded romantic and amazing and she really wanted to ask Quinn about it only she could never work up the courage. Furthermore, contrary to her mom's knowledge, she also knew about Rachel probably being her mom's biological daughter. It was kind of weird that the people in her life were so connected in different ways but also kind of amazing.

It was truly by accident that she found out about Rachel and her mom. She wasn't really snooping in the attic but trying to find her mom's old costume from when she did Wicked for the Lima Community theatre. The photo album had been shoved in the back of the trunk and consisted of pictures of a Glee Club that Beth had first mistaken for Vocal Adrenaline only to recognize Quinn in a few of the pictures.

As she flipped through it, she began to see that all the pictures had Rachel Berry in them. She would never have picked up the resemblance if not for the last page where her mom had put a picture of herself next to Rachel's. Both in a similar pose at about the same age and then it became crystal clear.

They were related in some way and though it didn't make sense for her mom to hide it, she never mentioned Rachel ever. Beth knew about Grandma and Grandpa Corcoran as well as distant aunts and cousins but it was weird that Rachel's name never came up considering she was so famous. She had tried to broach the subject once, asking her mom if she ever considered having kids of her own.

Shelby had gone still, color draining from her face and she had not uttered any words, as different emotions played across her face, regret being the one most obvious. But then she had reverted to her normal self and announced that she had chosen Beth. It wasn't an answer to her question but it did reveal that her mom was hiding something.

In the end, it seemed better to not bring it up as Quinn never brought up her relationship during their calls and Beth knew Shelby wouldn't say anything so she didn't either. At least not until Rachel walked through the door today and Quinn finally also turned up.

She accepts Quinn's hug, holding on for a few seconds longer. She sees Rachel look at the both of them and returns her smile, wishing that her mom was here to see this. "I had to convince mom to let me transfer to McKinley because it was where you went." The explanation is simple and the wonderment of Quinn's face is worth the midyear transfer and adjustment to a new school.

To be honest, the other reason was that she never fit in at Carmel, only accepted because her mom's reputation preceded her and pressured to live up to being Shelby Corcoran's daughter. At McKinley, no one knew who she was and Mr. Schue still believed in giving everyone a fair chance.

"Why didn't you tell me? Are you settling in? Do you like your classes?" Quinn cannot help the flurry of questions directed at Beth, as a sense of worry overtakes her only calming down when she feels Rachel take her hand.

"So personality trait transference via proximity works." Rachel whispers in Quinn's ear causing her to smile as she realizes that she kind of did sound like Rachel just then.

"Just tell her you're happy." Rachel winks at Beth as she says the words eliciting a smile from both blondes.

"I am." Beth looks at Quinn and then at Rachel, their hands now linked naturally and it prompts her next words. "Are both of you happy…together?"

Quinn's fair skin shows her blush almost immediately as she ducks her head but does not let go of Rachel's hand, instead pulling her closer as she puts their linked hands over her heart . She hears Rachel voice, softer but filled with so much conviction that it seems to echo in the room. "Yes, yes we are."

Mr. Schue who was never good with dealing with emotional issues unless they were his and Ms Pillsbury's, clears his throat, "Well, how about one more song, Quinn, Rachel, any suggestions?"

"Faithfully" They both answer in unison, not expecting it but realizing that there really wasn't any other choice as Quinn launches into the opening bars, the ever present piano player that looked eerily similar to Brad except younger, accompanying her.

#$#$#$#$

"Are you sure it's not out of your way? Quinn looks at Mr. Schue as he opens his car door before standing to one side and allowing her access. "Emma and I live about ten minutes from Shelby's house so the answer is no. I can drive you and Beth over and Rachel won't need to drive across town in this weather."

The rain is still coming down and Quinn struggles to cover Beth and Rachel with the umbrella, knowing that the weather was only going to get worse and she definitely did not want Rachel driving in it for so long. "Ok." She turns to Rachel, finally giving her the kiss she had wanted to since she saw her in the choir room.

"Drive carefully and I'll see you later." She feels Rachel's hand caress her cheek as she bends down, their temples touching. "I'll call a cab in two hours or so and will be back in time for dinner."Quinn can see Rachel's hesitation and understands that despite her sunny demeanor, she was affected by Quinn going over to Shelby's with Beth.

She had been surprise when Rachel suggested dropping them off at Beth's house. Rachel didn't use Shelby's name or give any indication of a connection there but Quinn could see that she was acting. Rachel was an amazing actress, subverting her true emotions to project a different persona. Except Quinn loved her so very much and with that love, she could see through Rachel's façade. She hadn't even seen Shelby as yet and Quinn could already see the hurt in her eyes. There was no way that she would allow Rachel to drive them over and see Shelby shut the door on Rachel while welcoming Beth home.

"I don't have to go." She whispers in Rachel's ear, "I don't". Quinn stresses the words and even though she does not want to make a choice right now but she needs Rachel to understand that even though Beth is part of her, Rachel's become intrinsic to her. Her presence was essential and she could not give that up without a fight.

"I want you too." Her voice is strong, as she looks into Quinn's hazel eyes. "Just promise me you'll come back." It's a promise she knows Quinn will give and it's enough. She does not want to make Quinn choose between her and Beth and will try her best to ensure it never comes down to that.

"Definitely." Kissing Rachel was an art that required patience and skill but the payoff was so extremely worth it. The brunette was shorter but her presence filled any room and when she kissed Rachel, their lips touching, tongues exploring, senses so attuned, it was an experience so divine, she had trouble describing it.

The kiss they share before Rachel drives off, leaves Quinn wanting more, knowing that it was the same for Rachel.

#$#$#$#

The rain is pouring down such that Will does not take his foot of the brake pedal as he drives towards home. He can hear Beth and Quinn in the back trading stories about their high school experiences. Their voiced overlap and their laughter is soothing to his ears. Quinn talking about her exploits in the the cheerios but her voice filled with passion as she recounts her time in glee. Likewise, Beth tells her about her classes and shyly asked if she should try out for the cheerios.

Innocuous conversations that do not highlight the fact that life is as fleeting as it is precious and it only takes a split second for things to go so terribly wrong. Will's attention split between the laughing girls in the back and the road ahead. He does not see the headlights of the truck until it's too late. He still manages to swerve the car in time but the collision is inevitable. The sound of crushing metal and broken glass fills the air. A screeching loud sound that stops as suddenly as it had started, the air now filled with the smell of burnt rubber mingled with smoke.

Three bodies are flung in different directions and finally the only sound heard is that of the rain beating down.

**End Part 7**


	8. Only The Good Die Young

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**Aw, but they never told you the price that you pay**_

_**For things that you might have done...**_

_**Only the good die young**_

_**That's what I said**_

_**Only the good die young**_

_**Billy Joel**_

She loves the smell of baked goods filling their house. It engenders a sense of peace and well being in her that helps negate her obsessive behavior, although Will's presence alone has also helped tremendously.

Emma takes the tray of cookies out from the oven, her hands clad in oven mitts that matched her apron. She has the radio on and sings along softly to the song playing. It's a classic Motown hit and she hits all the high notes, swaying her hips as she moves around their bright yellow kitchen.

She had fallen in love with the kitchen almost immediately, when they first viewed the house. It was just slightly beyond their price range but she was cognizant of Will's past history and did not want to push him into making a decision he would ultimately regret. So she held her tongue even as she admired the fittings and fixtures, imagining all the wonderful dishes she could make.

Emma thought nothing of it when Will arrived late the next day, nearly missing glee practice. She almost missed the envelope on her table but it was so out of place on her pristine desk that her hands gravitated to it almost immediately. It had contained the deed to the house, Will's signature already imprinted on each page.

" _You just have to sign next to my name."_

" _You surprised me."_

And he had, on so many levels. Each time, she thought she had figured him out, he would do something different or amazing. Like proposing as they sat in her car as she guided it through a car wash. How could she say no as she watched the suds and hot water clean off the dirt from her car. It was the same when he bought the house, not making any proclamations but just showing that he truly, finally knew her.

The tray for the next batch is ready as she places the cookies down to cool off, already taking note of the time, hoping to time the next batch so that Will would get it fresh from the oven when he reached home. He had called just before leaving, telling her he would be a few minutes late as he was giving Beth and Quinn a ride to Shelby's.

She can hear the thunder outside and guesses that he's either stopped at Shelby's or was running late because one of the roads was flooded. It happened the last time and he arrived none the worse for wear two hours late. Emma slides the last tray into the oven when she hears the phone. She answers it with her usual chipper voice, expecting to hear Will's.

The words don't register at first as her hand grips the phone. When they do, she can't get any words out, just nodding until the person on the line has to ask her repeatedly to speak up. "Quinn…Quinn Fabray…and Beth Corcoran.." She whispers their names really but it's clear enough as the woman does not ask her to repeat anything, only asking her if she has any contact details of their next of kin.

She hears her harsh breaths echo over the phone line, her tears falling freely now as she gives out Shelby's number. "Are they..ali..are they ok?"She can't bring herself to say the words.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but it would be best if you came down to the hospital as soon as you can. The roads are pretty dangerous out so please be careful. I'm sorry I can't tell you much more." The woman's voice is soothing and Emma knows that they've been trained to sound calm, to not give anything away or cause more panic. Only, she can't feel anything but panic since she took the call.

After everything had occurred and when she thinks back to this time, the one clear thing she would recall was the smell of chocolate chip cookies wafting around the kitchen. The last batch ended up burnt to a crisp and she really never baked again from that day.

#$#$#$#$

Shelby stands at the window, each time she sees headlights, she prepares to rush out, umbrella in hand, only to have the car drive by. Beth had sounded so happy on the phone, finally meeting Quinn again. When Beth had broached the subject of transferring to McKinley, she had been surprised but also worried. She figured that Beth still felt like an outsider and needed to feel closer to Quinn somehow.

Will had been so very understanding as he and Emma surreptitiously looked out for her and Will would call if he thought Beth had a bad day. Over the few months, his calls tapered off as Beth settled in, even talking about joining the cheerios just like Quinn.

Shelby didn't feel jealous at all. She had thought that she would at least feel uncomfortable. However, Quinn had been respectful of the boundaries, only calling once a month and Beth never brought up any comparisons, only recently broaching cheerleading.

But with Quinn in town, she knew that she was bound to feel a twinge of jealousy seeing them together. Not jealousy of their fledgling relationship which she herself encouraged. She was afraid that Beth would compare her to Quinn. She wasn't a doctor or lived in New York. She used to coach Glee and now taught music at the local community college. Quinn was younger, smarter, more successful and she had Rachel in her life. Everything that Shelby wasn't or didn't have.

She wouldn't trade her life with Beth for anything though. Not even for a second chance with Rachel because she really didn't deserve anymore chances. Her one big regret was denying Rachel all those years ago. It had really been her issues, her insecurities that made her reject Rachel's overtures. Only she realized too late that Rachel had been young and had probably blamed herself.

And now, it was too late. Rachel being in Lima didn't change the fact that she did not deserve another chance at trying to forge some kind of relationship. If she really was being honest, that was where the jealousy would stem from. Quinn didn't waste her chance with Beth. She opened herself up and Beth was better for it. It was the one thing Shelby couldn't do then and even now, she's not sure if she could reach out.

Shelby admired and hated what Quinn did in equal measure and knew that in this instance, she would never measure up. She waits by the window though, knowing that in her own way, she was being the best mother she knew how to be, her hand curled round the handle of the umbrella, waiting for Will's car headlights to shine in her driveway.

The ringing telephone jolts her out of her vigil and she contemplates letting the machine pick it up until she realizes it could be either of her daughters. So she rushes to answer it, hoping to hear Beth's voice and wishing that maybe it could be Rachel instead.

The sense of Déjà vu is so strong as she hears the words over the phone. The nurse on the line explaining the situation and requesting that she come down to the hospital as soon as she could manage. She had received two similar calls before, each time her heart had clenched at the words spoken only to accept that she could faintly hear Beth in the background either crying or asking to see her mom.

She can't hear Beth this time, only the rush and noise of the emergency room, as it dealt with more accidents than it could handle. Then it hits her, Beth hadn't been driving this time. Quinn and Will were with her. They all had been in the accident and were hurt or worse. Her throat is thick with tears and she can hardly get the words out.

"Are the others alive? What about Will Schuester and Quinn Fabray?" She stumbles on their names not because they are unfamiliar but due to the fact that she's so afraid to hear the answer.

"I'm sorry ma'am but we can't release any news on patients except to family members only." Shelby nods, not saying anything as she remembers Rachel's words when she had answered Quinn's phone.

Rachel wasn't family but she loved Quinn, had admitted as much and she never wanted to hurt Rachel again but she knew that she needed to make another call before she went to the hospital.

#$#$#$

The house is filled with the sound of laughter. "There is no way you dressed as a vampire and scared your High School principal." Marcie is trying to picture Tina in the get up but can't quite succeed as she dissolves into a fit of giggles, only stopping to take a swig of the bottle of tequila Rachel was passing to her.

"Totally true, just ask Rachel." Tina turns to her best friend and smiles. She figures that Rachel knows that fact after so many years but she says the words regardless. "She would know, she's my best friend, you know you are, right?" She turns to look at the diva, sprawled on the sofa, her hand outstretched as she takes the bottle back from Marcie.

Tina's soft voice and question cuts through the alcoholic buzz surrounding her. "Of course. You, Tony and Marcie are the only ones who would tell me the whole truth and nothing but. Not unlike High School except without the torture and despair." Except right now, when she thinks back to high school, it's not with a wrenching sadness any longer. Her relationship with Quinn and attending the Glee club practice that afternoon had more or less wiped out all traces of bad memories.

All she could see was a future with Quinn, and knowing that Beth's presence in their lives was necessary. Accepting that she would always have some distant link to Shelby was something she would deal with. She had lived with that for sixteen years and for Quinn, she could endure it forever.

She turns to both of her dearest friends, "Do you think they'll talk about me?" It's not a question borne out of a need to be recognized or wanted. "I'm not sure if Beth knows, I'm not sure if she should." When Mr. Schue had introduced her to the class, Beth was the easiest to spot. It had been a surprise to see her there and her resemblance to Quinn was uncanny except for Puck's eyes.

She had tried her best not to gravitate towards the girl but in her defense, Beth had shyly approached her, asking for a hug without any explanation and deep down, Rachel had a feeling that she knew. Despite Shelby probably hiding their connection, Beth somehow knew.

They didn't discuss any of it, just singing their hearts out next to each other, their voices melding into a harmony that resonated within their hearts, an unspoken connection from one daughter to another.

She takes the last swig from the bottle and turns it over. "Looks like we're all out.", pouting though she knows only Quinn would think that it was a cute look on her.

"Quinn loves you so you don't have to worry and you need to get your diva ass off the couch and get some more. Oh, fine…" Tina's built up years of immunity to Rachel's pouts but she has to admit that it still does get to her as she rises from the couch and unsteadily walks towards the small bar in the corner of the room.

The phone next to Marcie rings startling her as she looks at it, not really confused but still trying to figure out what she needed to do. It was Rachel's turn to burst out laughing as the look reminded her so much of Brittany that she expects Marcie to ask something along the lines of if a phone rings and no one's around to hear it, was it really ringing or did Rachel have a duck butler or cat who could answer it.

Rachel finally lets out a huff, part laughter, part discontent at having to get up and answer the phone. "Berry residence."

The voice is filled with tears but each word is spoken clearly that she cannot mistake the message that she's receiving. She feels the blood rush from her head, her extremities suddenly cold and does not register that she's fallen until she hears Marcie shout out.

"Rachel" The sound of her name echoes from the phone as well as it falls out of her hand. Her eyes are closed and she knows that she's blacked out for a few seconds, an experience she's never encountered before. The house is suddenly plunged into darkness and Rachel's not sure if it's just her vision dimming or if the storm had finally unleashed its full force on the town.

She hears Tina's pick up the phone but the line had gone dead. Rachel finally succeeds in pushing herself up from her prone position, Marcie already there to help her. "We need to go to the hospital." Her voice is clear despite the absolute terror that has gripped all her senses. All she can think of is Shelby's breathy voice, telling her that there had been an accident involving Mr. Schue's car and that she needed to get to the hospital, overlapped with Quinn's voice in her head.  _'Head wounds bleed a lot. Trust me; it could have been worse…'_

#$#$#$#

She cries through her hands as she covers her face, not wanting to look as the doctors work around her, talking in their own short form language as they try valiantly to save a life. She hears the monitor flatline and knows her heart had stopped as well, not physically but she's lost the one person she's loved more than anyone else.

She can feel a hand on her back and her upbringing overrides her grief as she finally turns to offer comfort to the girl sitting in the chair next to her. Both their faces stained with tears and etched with anguish. She does not want to belittle anyone else's pain but she wishes with all her heart that it wasn't Will on the table although; Emma knows that Will wouldn't have wanted it to be Beth or Quinn either.

**End Part 8**


	9. The Living Years

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**So we open up a quarrel**_

_**Between the present and the past**_

_**We only sacrifice the future**_

_**It's the bitterness that lasts**_

_**So don't yield to the fortunes you sometimes see as fate**_

_**It may have a new perspective on a different day**_

_**And if you don't give up, and don't give in, you may just be okay**_

_**Mike & The Mechanics**_

She's subscribed to the theory that doctors make the worse patients because she's always hated being one which is why she had pressured the harried emergency room doctor to rush through her examination. However, the only thing she hated more was not being able to help at all. Quinn knows that it's not really the case here as her hand compresses his chest, her voice clear as she counts aloud. Stopping each time she reaches five so that the other doctor can push air into his lungs.

She can hear Emma and Beth's cries outside but ignores it because she can't comfort them and do her job, she's always had to make difficult choices but the ones she had made today would haunt her for a long time.

_Quinn remembers coming to, feeling the rain beat down and her entire body aching. She had called out to Beth and Will, finally pushing herself up to see Beth a few feet away from her, stirring but still not fully conscious. She drags herself towards Beth, her hands slipping as she tries to find a pulse, not stopping until she feels Beth's strong heartbeat beneath her fingertips and see her eyes flutter open. "Hey, Sweetie. Hang in there, ok? I need to check on the others. Don't move."_

_The wreckage of the accident takes up the whole road and the smoke and rain obscures her vision as she calls out for Mr. Schuester. She staggers to her feet, her hand going to the back of her head and coming away slick with blood. She bends over and retches. Her sides burning with pain but she ignores all of it as she slowly walks towards the car and the body next to it._

_She knows she's crying, not from the pain but from looking at the broken body before her. She tries her best to ignore the signs as she stems the flow of blood where she can, not moving him because she's afraid that it would just hasten his demise._

_He had coded in the ambulance but they had managed to bring him back and she let herself hope for the best._

Right now, Quinn feels him slipping away as the crash cart finally arrives and she's pushed to one side when they realize she's an outsider, a doctor but one who did not belong to their hospital. She feels the adrenaline burn through her body, leaving her fatigued and in pain as she staggers away, her back connecting with the wall. She finally steps out of the room and she sees Beth reach out to her and Emma's soft voice.

"Thank you."

Quinn shakes her head, not accepting the words because she hadn't been able to do much. She pulls Beth to her side as the young girl continued to sob softly. Her eyes though are still on the frenzied activity before her, as she notes what each doctor and nurse was doing in order to resuscitate Will Schuester. She's trying her best to compartmentalize as much as possible and not deal with everything before her, knowing that she needed to be the strong one here.

"Beth, you need to go for your additional scans." Her voice is not as strong as she would like but it does make Beth pull back and look at her, her face pale and streaked with dried blood. The paramedics had given them a once over but Quinn knows that internal injuries did not always manifest themselves straight away and she's worried about Beth. They both had quick CT scans when they were brought in as they had both lost consciousness during the accident. The scans had looked ok but Quinn didn't want to take the chance with Beth's life.

"I'll stay here with Ms. Pil..Mrs. Schuester. "Quinn had seen Emma freeze when she had tried to use her maiden name. She remembered Terri and was at least glad that Mr. Schue had finally found the love he had been looking for and had deserved.

The nurse finally leads Beth to one of the examination rooms and Quinn reaches out to take Emma's cold, shaking hand in hers. No words are spoken though Quinn's lips move silently as she begins to pray. She finally feels a small sense of respite as the words fall silently from her lips, a feeling that centers her.

A feeling that reminds her that she really needed to see Rachel. She had tried to call only her mobile phone had been lost in the accident and the phone lines and electricity grid had gone out when she reached the hospital. The back up generators were working fine but the remaining phone lines were only to be used for emergencies.

The constant whine from the heart monitor signifying that her hope for a miracle had passed. She's worried about everyone and everything and it takes her mind of her own injuries. They're not severe in any case but the bruises and cuts still hurt. She wants to close her eyes and imagine Rachel next to her, her presence and voice offering the comfort she's craving.

"Quinn."

#$#$#$#

There is an unnatural silence that permeates the car. Its occupants each lost in their own thoughts although all of them are focused on Rachel. She had not said a word since directing them to the hospital. Her face is stoic although her fingers are digging into the palms of her hands, leaving semi circle indentations there that nearly break her skin although she does not feel the pain.

Tina had tried calling the hospital but lines appeared to be down and it would not have been helpful regardless as Rachel was not family. Quinn had chosen her as her emergency contact but that was in New York, here, she didn't have any direct relationship with Quinn that would be recognized by law.

So they piled into the car, her fathers' insisted on driving them and she didn't argue as they had consumed two bottles of tequila. However, the phone call had totally sobered her up to an extent that she wishes she had taken another bottle with her.

She's already experienced what it was like seeing Quinn hurt and had prayed never to have to go through that experience again. Not knowing how badly Quinn was hurt now, was excruciating and all she can focus on is getting to the hospital and preparing herself to deal with whatever condition Quinn was in. The only thing that scares her completely is the fact that she still didn't know if she was alive and Rachel knows that she won't be able to deal with it if Quinn wasn't.

It's weird to feel so connected to someone and not know of their fate. Deep down, Rachel's almost sure that she would somehow know if Quinn had died. She's clinging to this tiny shred of hope, for once not able to express anything in words as she sits in silence.

The rain is beating a tattoo on the roof of the car and the steady rhythm would normally give her comfort, a beat to which she'd make up lyrics, her voice expressing her innermost thoughts and feelings. She realizes now that she would give that up in an instant as long as Quinn was unhurt.

Her voice has always meant so much to her. However, the truth of the matter was that at this moment, she's realized that she would gladly give it up in lieu of Quinn's well being. In her mind, it's a trade that is incredibly unbalanced but one that she would gladly adhere to because she's finally found someone whom she loved more than herself.

As soon as the car is parked, she rushes out into the storm ignoring the calls from Marcie to wait. She runs through the torrential downpour, water splashing as her feet land in puddles. All she focuses on is the lighted entrance of the hospital, entering the door and rushing straight to the ER, her head swiveling left and right. Rachel's soaking wet, water dripping down her coat but she doesn't feel cold any longer as she finally sees Quinn sitting in the chair next to Emma.

"Quinn." The name falls from her lips, a whisper really but infused with emotion such that Quinn hears it above the cacophony of sounds in the ER as she looks up, her hazel eyes locking onto brown ones as everything around them fades into the background.

#$#$#$#$

Shelby holds onto Beth's hand, her thumb rubbing circles on the back of her palm. She remembers the first time she had picked Beth up and found the baby holding onto her finger so tightly that she didn't want to let go even when the nurse had come around. It's the same feeling now as she does not want to let go of her daughter.

"Mom, I'm better. We should go and see how Mr. Schuester is. Quinn too." Beth understands the state that her mother is in. It wasn't her fault this time. She wasn't driving under the influence but that didn't negate the pain and the fear that she knows her mother had experienced, her paled expression still registering shock.

They make their way back to the ER, hoping for better news only to be confronted by the sound of Emma's soft cries. Rachel is there her arms protectively encircle Quinn as an elderly man talks to them.

Shelby nods to Rachel's fathers as they hover around, unsure of what to do but unwilling to leave or move anywhere else as they try to comfort Emma, her cries escalating as reality finally sets in for all.

"He is a donor with matching blood type. I have informed UNOS and details have been entered in UNet." Alex had been informed of the accident not because of his relationship with Quinn even though she would have been his primary concern. Russell Fabray's status code had been upgraded to 1A which put him at the top of the list for any locally available hearts.

It's the kind of news that he's used to delivering but the reaction he expects is not forthcoming as Quinn breaks down in front of him, Rachel's own tears falling as her hands hold onto Quinn, not letting go even as she tries to pull away. "I'm sorry, he was special to you?" Alex's voice takes on a different tone as he realizes his error.

Quinn was crying because the man who died meant something to her and right now, his job was not to offer comfort but to save Russell Fabray's life. Will Schuester had been a card carrying organ donor. He didn't need dispensation from the family to harvest the organs but in this case, he understands that this outcome would not have been something Quinn would ever have wished for.

She always considered herself immensely lucky to have had father figures in her life when her own father had chosen to abandon her..Mr. Schue hadn't turn her in when he found out that she had created the glist and even when she eventually told him about knowing that Terri was lying to him about being pregnant, he didn't hold it against her.

She had finally come clean senior year, working up the courage to confess that Terri had asked for her baby and for a short time, she had considered it not because of Terri but because she thought he would make a great father. He had forgiven her almost immediately, telling her that she was slowly turning into the person he always thought she could be.

Quinn feels Rachel's embrace and regrets that she never had the courage or foresight to acknowledge that she should have also made amends to Rachel in high school. "He was a good man." She looks over to Emma and it dawns on her that despite her good intentions, her own decisions had a hand in today's outcome and Mr. Schuester's death.

She feels the bile rise up in her throat as she pulls away from Rachel and rushes to the nearest restroom, emptying the meager contents of her stomach. Quinn feels Rachel's presence, her hands on her back, supporting her as much as comforting her.

"This is not your fault." Quinn's unsurprised that Rachel knows her so well although she disagrees vehemently with her view. She was the one who chose to come to Lima to save her father, who agreed to accept a ride from Will and who could not save him despite her medical training.

She slowly shakes her head, "I need some time." She turns to look at Rachel, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she sees Rachel's confused expression. Her thoughts are all jumbled up and she shakes her head again, this time hoping to clear her mind and get the right words out.

"I understand, I'll tell Alex that we'll talk to him tomorrow. My dads will be glad to drive us home, you need to rest."She feels Quinn's hand press down on her arm, stopping her words and instinctively, she knows that she doesn't want Quinn to say anything else.

"You should go home. I can't deal with you and do this at the same time. I know you want to be here and help but nothing's going to help and I " She closes her eyes, unable to look at Rachel because she's about to say something that she knows will not be taken well. "I thought it was too dangerous for you to drive across town and I was right."

Rachel's eyes widen at the implication, finally realizing that Quinn's self blame went deeper than she first divined. She could spend all day and night listing every conceivable reason why Quinn was not responsible for everything that happened but knowing the doctor as well as she did, she understands that Quinn couldn't or wouldn't see it that way.

It frightened her because it's the first time in their budding relationship that she feels that she can't reach Quinn. But Rachel has never been one to give up and she tries to reinforce their connection. She pulls Quinn in, not wanting to let go and she feels Quinn relax into the embrace. But it's fleeting as Quinn pulls away and walks out, her head down and her posture defeated.

**End Part 9**


	10. Lucky

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

**They don't know how long it takes**

**Waiting for a love like this**

**Every time we say goodbye**

**I wish we had one more kiss**

**I'll wait for you, I promise you I will**

**Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat**

Rachel looks lost as she walks towards the waiting room, her fathers looking at her expectantly but she doesn't know what to say or do. She's barely holding it together and it shows but she's still a damn good actress as she takes a breath and puts on a smile.

It's not too wide but conveys just enough normality that her fathers nod and smile back before concentrating on comforting Emma. She swallows as she looks down at her hands, her fingers can't stop moving, as if she needs to hold onto something or someone. She knows who is missing but it's alos not in her hands to force Quinn to stay by her side no matter how much she wishes for it.

She feels a hand on her back and flinches before she hears Shelby's voice. "Are you ok?" She cannot bear the sudden kindness that she hears and takes a step away but Shelby shadows her movement, this time taking hold of her arm and steering her towards the cafeteria.

"We're going to get some coffee and hot chocolate for everyone." Her words are spoken with confidence and Rachel sees Beth and her fathers smile and nod in appreciation. She wonders why Shelby was choosing to leave Beth and wants to ask; only her words are still stuck in her throat as she feels so adrift without Quinn's presence.

Her feet follow automatically as Shelby guides her to the cafeteria. She wonders idly how Shelby knows the way and realizes that Beth had been in the hospital a few times before and she had probably spent more than her fair share of time worried and drinking bad hospital coffee. It's that thought that finally spurs her to speak.

"Don't you want to be with Beth?" Rachel's ready for the answer and implied rejection, something probably along the lines of wanting to keep Rachel away from Beth and that Shelby would need to go and check up on her in a few minutes. Only those words do not come forth.

"I think my other daughter needs me more right now." Shelby stops in front of Rachel. She can see her struggling with something, trying to keep it all inside, trying so desperately to keep it together. Her hands held tightly by her sides, her fingers curled tightly into fists."Maybe, you should just let it out."

Rachel shakes her head from side to side, her lips pressed together even as her eyes well up with tears. All her emotions roiling within her and she can't let it out. She presses both her hands into her stomach, pushing in, wanting to contain everything because if she let it out, she might not stop.

"It's ok, sweetheart, it's ok." She feels her mother's arms around her, so different from her dads or Quinn's. A similar hug to one sixteen years ago the only difference being this hug did not signify goodbye. Or at least she hoped Shelby's words carried meaning and she was not going to leave her just yet. She still does not cry even as she derives comfort from the hug.

Shelby wonders why this had been so hard for her to do. She could feel a connection to Rachel, driven by more than just DNA. Maybe loving Beth had opened her up to accepting Rachel as well. She had never tested that theory until now. But the need she has to make it all right for Rachel is so strong, a link forged by regret and time as much as blood. "I'm here for you, just let it out, you're going to be ok." She finally feels Rachel's tears flow as her body shudders in her arms.

They stand there for ten minutes until Rachel's tears subside, Shelby's hand stroking Rachel's hair like she would do to Beth when she was upset. She hears Rachel sniff and finally pull back from her embrace.

"Thanks." Her hands scrub her face, embarrassed at her naked show of emotion. "I'm sorry, I'll go get the coffee and you can go back to Beth." Rachel takes a step forward only to feel Shelby's fingers curl around her arm, stopping her.

"I meant what I said about being here for you now. I'm sorry that I couldn't do it before, that I never reached out to you since but…" Shelby trails off as she sees Beth walk round the corner, coming to a stop as she sees the both of them. All of her excuses and reasons for not acknowledging Rachel embodied by the young girl looking at them only she knows that she's projecting and she can't blame Beth for any of it. She had been afraid and stupid and wasted so much time.

Rachel sees her pause and turns to see Beth staring at them. Her sister from another mother, a paraphrase she remembers Finn using for Kurt and she feels like crying again except Beth actually smiles at her. Not at Shelby but directly at her, as if she understands and accepts her in their lives.

She turns to Shelby and notes that she's still worried about Beth's reaction by the look on her face. It finally prompts Rachel to speak softly. "I won't tell her if you don't want her to know." Her voice carries an implied plea not to deny her and even though it hurts, Rachel knows that at least Shelby had acknowledged her again. For that, she would accept if Shelby didn't want Beth to know. She holds her brath as she sees a look of resolve on Shelby's face.

"Beth, this is Rachel. Rachel's my…my biological daughter." Shelby's voice does not waver although her words are hesitant. Beth's smiling as she walks up and links hands with Rachel, surprising the both of them.

"You know mom has this picture of you in a gold dress, singing on stage. You look just like she did when she was younger." The tears in Rachel's eyes are no longer ones of regret or fear as she feels Beth's acceptance as well as Shelby's who takes her other hand.

They end up in the cafeteria getting coffee and hot chocolate as Beth asks her questions which she answers almost automatically, about her stage experience and her upcoming album. She sees Shelby glancing at her every now and then and realizes that she's worried about her and her eyes water yet again.

"Rachel?" The worry in Shelby's voice is evident as Rachel shakes her head, a watery smile on her face.

"Um." She's been able to cry on demand since she was two and stop on cue but right now, she can't seem to control her emotions. She's not uncomfortable with showing them but knows that it had to have been one of the reasons Shelby had rejected her all those years ago. Likewise, she still thought that they were part of the reason Quinn couldn't deal with her in High School and maybe didn't want to deal with her now. "I'm sorry, I.."

"You don't have to apologize. Quinn loves you." Shelby sees the young doctor enter the cafeteria looking worried and anxious. Her eyes scanning the room until it falls on the three of them.

"How do you know?" Rachel does not doubt Quinn's ability to love her. It's just the fact that she had not been able to reach out to Quinn, to offer her love and support back that throws her. It could mean so many things, most of all, it could mean that despite their relationship, Quinn couldn't derive comfort from their love.

"Just hear her out." Shelby points towards the fast approaching figure and is amazed to see Rachel's demeanor change almost instantaneously, a look of hope on her face.

When Rachel's dad had told her that Rachel was with Shelby, Quinn didn't know what to think. She already felt overwhelmed with guilt and knew that she still needed to think about her father's transplant. Adding worry about Rachel's well being to her already fraying psyche was the last thing she needed. But she loved Rachel and knew that the brunette had given up a lot to just be with her in Lima. The least she could do was ensure that Shelby didn't hurt her further.

"I asked your dads to drive you home." The words wipe the hopeful smile from Rachel's face as she breaks eye contact with Quinn and looks down. Quinn immediately kneels in front of Rachel, placing her hands on top of the brunette's. "Alex and I talked to Emma and he's going to harvest the heart soon. I need to stay for the operation. I can't scrub in but my mom needs me to be here. I..I talked to your dads and they'll take you home. Please."

It's the plea that causes Rachel to look back up at Quinn, to try and understand what she was asking of her. It sounded so much like a rejection but she wants to believe that it's not, that Quinn had spent so much of her life alone, fighting her own battles that she didn't know how to lean on Rachel.

It hurt to acknowledge that but at least Quinn had come to her, so she traces the side of Quinn's cheek, "I could stay with you?" She asks the question despite knowing the answer as she sees Quinn let out her breath in a sigh before shaking her head.

"It'll take four hours or more and I can't.." She doesn't know how to finish the sentence without explaining that she doesn't want to show Rachel how close she is to falling apart. She needs to be the strong one here and she can't show Rachel how weak she actually is.

_I can't deal with you here, I can't love you enough to share this with you, I can't lean on you._

Rachel fills in what Quinn cannot say and she finally glances at Shelby, who looks just as stricken as she probably feels but she does not show it. "Its fine, I understand. I'll wait for you, I will." Her acting on this trip has been stellar and she realizes that for Quinn's sake, she'll need to keep up the charade even as she feels her heart crumble.

She's grateful when she sees Shelby whisper to Beth and sees Beth nod and walk towards her. Rachel's not sure if she can stand unaided but tries anyway, relieved when she stands and Beth links arms with her. She accepts Quinn's kiss, closing her eyes as she feels Quinn's lips make contact with her own, wishing that Quinn would change her mind but knowing that she wouldn't as she quietly turns and walks away.

"Don't hurt her." Shelby's words surprise her and Quinn sighs audibly, not wanting to have the conversation right now even if Shelby had every right to protect Beth.

"I'm not going to hurt Beth. She knows you're her mom and I'm…I'm just her biological mother. She's old enough to know the difference." Quinn pinches the bridge of her nose, hoping to stop the headache from forming even as she can feel its onset.

"I'm not talking about Beth. I don't want you hurting Rachel." Shelby sees Quinn's shoulders tense and is glad to finally see an emotional reaction from the blond.

"This from the woman who abandoned her sixteen years ago." Quinn can't help the bitterness in her voice as she stares at Shelby, only to see the woman nod slowly as if in complete agreement with her tone and words.

"Yes, but I wasn't the one who bullied her all throughout high school." Jesse had told her of the taunts and slushies that Rachel had to endure and for a short time, she had considered asking Rachel to transfer to Carmel. Only she had been scared of so many things up to and including acknowledging and caring for a daughter she did not know.

She had reached out not expecting the messiness that came with motherhood. She knows Quinn is right in accusing her of abandoning Rachel but at least right now, she was trying to help. "I screwed up and I don't ever expect her to forgive me. Except she managed to forgive you and right now, you're hurting her. You're so lucky to have her in your life" Shelby feels the loss immensely now, of wasting so much time not getting to know her first daughter, not recognizing what a wonder she was.

Quinn feels the fury building up within her but it's not directed outwards at Shelby because she was right. She had bullied Rachel, every chance she got, she had been merciless in getting to the top and ensuring she stayed there and just because she had finally realized her mistakes and tried to make up for them. All that didn't negate her past. Moreover, even if Rachel had forgiven her, she still managed to hurt her even now. Not with words but definitely with her inaction.

She wasn't rejecting Rachel, far from it, but she could see that it would seem like it to Shelby and definitely to Rachel.

"Go."

She does not need Shelby to urge her but the word does act like an impetus as she sprints towards the door, Rachel's name on her lips. She sees the diva at the end of the corridor still waiting for the elevator and she rushes forward, engulfing Rachel in an embrace that would have knocked Rachel over if not for Quinn's arms around her.

"I need you. I will always need you even when I tell you different because I'm so stupid." She feels her words vibrate against Rachel's skin as she places a kiss at the side of Rachel's neck. "Don't go, stay with me. I want you to stay but was too afraid to ask and " She feels Rachel's finger on her mouth as the diva pulls back, her eyes still filled with tears.

"I once told you I would wait for you and I meant it. I'll always wait for you. Always. Even when you're that stupid." She can say so much more, explaining that she would wait forever if necessary or the fact she understands Quinn's need to be in control or to at least try and show that she was. It wasn't a trait she liked in the blond but it made Quinn who she was and Rachel for the life of her loved all of Quinn.

**End Part 10**


	11. Don't Stop Believing

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**Some will win, some will lose**_

_**Some are born to sing the blues**_

_**Oh, the movie never ends**_

_**It goes on and on and on and on**_

_**Journey**_

She hears the soft strains of one of her songs in the background and Rachel wonders if its muzak or someone, somewhere was playing her CD. She looks down at Quinn sprawled on her lap and softly mouths the words. Singing it solely for Quinn's benefit because she knows that she can and it was all due to Quinn's medical skills.

It's been over four hours and she can see Quinn staring at her mom as she paces yet again across the floor, following a path known only to her. She feels Quinn rise up and wants to hold her back, only she knows that she cannot protect Quinn from this. She can only be there to offer as much support as Quinn was willing to accept. It was always a constant internal battle for her to want to reach out even though she knows that Quinn would rather internalize everything.

"Mom, you need to rest." The entreaty rolls off her tongue but she feels like the parent here. Needing to look out for someone who does not know any better and that description kind of fits her mom to a tee. Quinn can see her hands tremble and knows that she's suffering from some form of withdrawal. She knows how difficult it is for her mom to not drink right now and is willing to do everything in her power to help her.

She reaches out to take her mother's hand, noting their similarity in size and trying her best to make a connection. "Alex should let us know soon." She had spent the last four hours going over ever incision in her head, trying to recall each steps of the surgery and praying that no complications would arise. She again sits next to Rachel, leaning against her as Rachel's starts to sing softly again. Her voice like a balm that heals, emoting all of Quinn's feelings that she tries so hard to hide.

Each time she felt close to panicking, she would feel Rachel's presence next to her, grounding her and more importantly, lending her the strength she does not possess. Rachel's clear voice flowing over her, making her believe that everything would really be ok. Judy notes the way Quinn behaves around Rachel; as if she's hyper aware of where the brunette is at all times, their movements almost choreographed and in tandem. The only difference was that Rachel would vocalize her emotions while Quinn always just needed the physical link.

Quinn feels almost lightheaded and thinks that her blood sugar is probably at an all time low, only her vision is also beginning to blur and she realizes that she's losing consciousness as Rachel's concern face begins to fade from her vision. As her eyes involuntarily shut, she hears Rachel's voice calling her name and she tries to reach out, to remain conscious because Rachel was pleading to her to remain so. Only, her body does not comply as she feels her hand loosen her grip on Rachel's and she hears Rachel cry out for the last time.

#$#$#$#$

Alex Young feels old, not because of the intense surgery he had just finished or the pressure of knowing that Quinn Fabray's father's life was in his hands. Those pressures he could live with and he dealt with more in his daily life. What makes him feel old and tired is the fact that the woman whom he considers his daughter had just been diagnosed with diffuse axonal injury and was lying unconscious even as he had rushed out to give her the good news that her father had survived his heart transplant.

Judy Fabray was the only one in the waiting room, curled up and on one of the chairs, tears streaming down her face and it had stopped him cold but he conveyed his news as he held her hand.

"Where's Quinn?" His question makes Judy cry harder as her hands grab at his shirt and he looks around, praying to see his young protégé somewhere instead of thinking of the worse.

"She…she collapsed. They took her…took her away. I …" She had rushed with Rachel as they wheeled Quinn away, realizing that she was on the verge of losing her family and it scared her beyond belief. She had caved then, taking sips from the bottle hidden away in her purse. Each sip though did nothing to embolden her resolve, instead, all she could think of was to take another sip and soon, she felt Rachel gently lead her back to the waiting room. Her words softly spoken, her tone kind.

" _Why don't I stay with Quinn and you wait for news of Mr. Fabray. Everything will be ok. I'll come over and give you an update when I get one. Everything will be ok."_

Rachel had looked almost broken but had been concerned enough to understand that she was hanging on by an even thinner thread. Her eyes reflecting fear and compassion and it had been like a wake up call of sorts. Judy knows that Quinn had been treating Rachel for cancer and the two of them had reconnected and started their relationship after Rachel's remission. It as in the news and maazines and it had sounded romantic and beautiful except her religion did not condone it.

She remembered Rachel from attending some of their Glee performances. Rachel had the most beautiful voice and had been mesmerizing on stage. She still did not understand how Quinn had changed so much but she could recognize love when she saw it and Rachel loved her daughter enough to actually extend that to her and even possibly Russell. She had come back with Quinn and that had to mean something.

So she waited for something to occur, the bottle weighing heavy in her purse but the thought of Rachel's kind eyes stopping her from drinking further such that when Alex finally came out of surgery to give her the good news about Russell, she had be just coherent enough to tell him about Quinn.

Alex knows that no one was to blame except perhaps the driver of the truck that initiated the accident in the first place but he cannot help feeling like he should have done more. That instead of concentrating on Russell Fabray's case, he should have done Quinn's examination himself. Secondary head injuries were very hard to diagnose and MRI and CT scans could only confirm edemas and such but not the microscopic injuries that were endemic of DAI.

Medicine had been his religion and touchstone but seeing Judy's tearstained face, he knows he needs to do more as he looks for the small chapel within the building. He cannot not believe in Quinn but he needed to do more.

#$#$#$#

Marcie is holding on tightly to her hand and Tina leans against her shoulder but all Rachel can feel is cold, her limbs almost numb and her thoughts veering on the unimaginable. She looks up at Beth curled by Shelby's side and is hit by the fact that she could not even get an update on Quinn's condition if it wasn't for Beth being there. The doctor had told her that due to her not being related to Quinn, he could not tell her of Quinn's diagnosis.

She had shouted then, demanding to see the Head of the hospital, highlighting the fact that she had donated money for their new wing. Shelby had shown up just as she started to break down, Beth in tow. Rachel's dads had called her, explaining the situation knowing that Beth needed to know. The doctor had shared some information then, Quinn had suffered from a secondary brain injury most likely caused by the car crash and she had slipped into a coma.

The words individually don't make sense as Rachel hears them, her brain not wanting to put them together into a coherent sentence but the distressed looks on Beth and Shelby's faces are enough as she tries not to faint again because she needed to give the news to Judy.

It hadn't been easy to share the information knowing that Quinn's mom was semi drunk already and still awaiting news about her husband but Rachel had promised her and she had to think positively about Quinn. There had to be a higher power somewhere keeping score and she knew without a doubt Quinn deserved to live a full and happy life.

She had been Quinn's emergency contact in New York but here in Lima, in the eyes of the powers that be, she wasn't anyone of consequence to Quinn. She wasn't related by blood and it scared her to know that Quinn's parents could bar her from seeing Quinn or making any decisions. Worse yet, she still hadn't been able to see Quinn since she collapsed.

"I need to see her." She looks at her dads as she speaks, knowing that they would do anything in their power to help her. She could invoke the ACLU or her celebrity status but in the end, Rachel knew that she wasn't accorded any rights when it came to Quinn's well being.. "Daddy, I need to be with her she needs….she needs me, please…" The half finished plea to her Intellectual Property Rights lawyer dad and her dermatologist daddy does not go unheard as they look at each other, silently communicating their willingness to do everything in their power to try and remove the look of fear on Rachel's face.

Judy hears her voice before she rounds the corner, using it as a beacon of sorts because she is still unsteady on her feet. The alcoholic buzz long vanished only to be replaced with cold incapacitating dread. "The doctor said…" Judy's voice wavers as she walks towards Rachel. Her emotions are so raw, having just learnt of Russell's successful surgery only to be confronted with the possibility of losing Quinn. "He said they need to reduce the inter…..intercranial pressure in her head. That it was partly the cause of her coma." The words so foreign to her yet their meaning quite clear because even she decipher the significance behind the worried look and solemn voice of the doctor treating Quinn.

"She needs to hear your voice." It's the only thing she can think of. She had gone from praying to bargaining with God with no success. Then she had recalled the way Quinn would respond to Rachel always like they were inextricably linked somehow. Judy nods at Rachel, giving her consent for all of Rachel's unasked questions because all she really wants is to have her daughter back whole and sound.

She would never have admitted such thoughts last week but right here, right now, all she can see is Rachel's love for her daughter and the belief she has in her recovery. "Please."

Rachel does not hesitate as she runs towards the ICU, she needed to believe that Quinn was just waiting for her, their journey still incomplete.

#$#$#$#$

The irony that their places have been reversed does not escape Rachel as she holds Quinn's limp hand in hers. She's singing softly, one song after the next. Show tunes and love songs; her voice not wavering even as she feels her heart shatter at the thought of losing Quinn.

Each word she sings meant to convey so much but still not enough to express what she really needs to and it literally hurts to know that Quinn could be slipping away and all she could do was sit by her bedside and sing. It seemed so inconsequential in the scheme of things but Rachel truly felt connected to her, that somehow, Quinn knew she was there, waiting for her. That somehow, she could hear Rachel through the fog of unconsciousness and use her voice as an anchor to come back.

She read all the classic fairytales when she was growing up, shunning the sanitized Disney versions, instead going for original Grimm Brothers stories. Where people died and blood was shed but the underlying message she had learnt was that love in its purest form could conquer almost anything including death.

Rachel had to keep believing that she was making a difference no matter how minute because the alternative of thinking that she was completely powerless in keeping Quinn safe and connected to her was unimaginable.

She could not stop singing even when the resident came to take Quinn's vitals or when Russell insisted on being wheeled into the room to see his daughter for himself. He had been hooked up to a monitor and multiple IV drips, his bed covered in the thick transparent plastic sheeting to prevent infections but his eyes had been clear and full of regret and fear as he saw his youngest daughter unconscious on the bed. In deference for Quinn's sake, she just held on to Quinn's hand, her head next to Quinn's ear as her voice reduced in volume, until Russell had been wheeled out.

His only acknowledgment of her being a small nod of his head but to Rachel, it was like a large welcome neon sign considering she expected him to curse her and invoke hell and damnation. She had not wanted to say anything but in the end, she told him that he had to believe in Quinn, not show fear or pray for salvation for her but to believe that she would be ok and if he didn't then well, he could go to hell because Quinn was going to be fine.

Quinn had promised to come back to her, like she had promised to save her voice. Rachel had faith that Quinn would always keep her promises. She just needed Quinn to hear her and come back.

"You need to rest." Shelby's worried voice almost breaks her rhythm as she finishes the last verse of "For Good" from Wicked before launching into Sondheim's "You are Not Alone" as she shakes her head at Shelby's words.

"Rachel, please…you've been here for six hours, you need…." She wants Rachel to stop but realizes that she's her daughter in blood if not in name and if it were her, she couldn't give up either. So instead of asking her to stop, Shelby starts to sing along, hoping Rachel understand that she's her mother and willing to help her carry her load.

Her tears start when she hears Shelby's voice, triggering her only memory of singing with her mother coupled with the fact that she's so afraid and tired. She feels Shelby's arms go around her as she finally buries her face against Shelby's body, knowing that for a short time, her mom was there for her and for Quinn.

**End part 11**


	12. Need You Now

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

_**I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.**_

_**It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.**_

_**And I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.**_

_**And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.**_

_**Lady Antebellum**_

Judy never left Russell not because she had been afraid of not being able to provide for herself or even because she didn't want Quinnie or Frannie growing up without knowing their father. Truth be told, she loved him beyond all reason, she needed him in her life more than she craved anything ever. It was the main reason why she overlooked his constant dalliances and faults. It was the only reason why she chose him over Quinn.

It hadn't been a choice that she wanted to make but she knew Quinn was strong enough to survive not having her in her life but she wasn't as strong in living without Russell. It's not something she was proud of but it was the truth and it was about time she started facing the truth and making up for her failings.

"How is she?" His voice is hoarse; not from disuse but from all the medication and examinations he had taken and endured. He looks old and frail, so different from the vital man she had first fallen in love with but she loved him so much more now. She cannot explain why or even how she manages to ignore all the things that he had done and she hopes that like his current appearance, he is a changed man. His question regarding Quinn highlights that maybe he has finally accepted that he needs to look out for his family.

"She's still unconscious. Rachel says that it's not exactly bad news. No signs of deterioration and she's responding to some..to some external stimuli" The words more or less an exact regurgitation of what Rachel had said to her that morning. Judy is amazed with Rachel Berry. She had expected her to be loud, brash and full of herself considering she was famous and Judy had done nothing to make her feel welcomed. Instead, she had been polite and patient and had endured Judy's initial rude behavior towards her. "She's still singing to Quinn." She smiles when she sees Russell does.

"I want to see them." Judy nods at his words. He can feel the heart beat in his chest, a gift from God, him being the sole beneficiary of the tragedy. He hadn't liked Will Schuester because he knew Quinn did; that she looked up to him and respected him. He had been a good man, better than Russell could ever hope to be and perhaps the second chance he had been accorded could be used to prove that he needed to be better for himself and for his family whom he had neglected for so long.

#$#$#$#$

Emma does not know how she had managed to live the first thirty years of her life without waking up to Will Schuester everyday and she does not know how she can continue to live her life with him not there. She wants so badly to forget, to drink her memories into oblivion but even drunk, she cannot stop thinking about him.

She needed him like she needed air to breathe, it was almost an autonomous response to love Will and without him, she feels so lost and alone. Each decision made with regards to the funeral arrangements driving home the fact that he was not ever coming back. She feels almost numb now and hopes it lasts for as long as possible because she knows that soon, the shards of regret and pain would be overwhelming.

Rachel's dads and Shelby Corcoran had finally taken over when she could not stop crying at the funeral home. She does not know why she's back at the hospital only feeling a pull to be there, because it's the last place where she actually felt close to Will.

"Mrs Schuester?" Rachel was on one of her mandatory breaks. Alex, Tina and Marcie had insisted on them, going so far as to threaten to bar her from Quinn's room. She agreed to taking twenty minutes every two to three hours on the basis that Tina would sing in her stead and they would call her if anything happened. She doesn't rest much during the breaks though, choosing to talk to Quinn's doctors and do some research on Quinn's condition.

Seeing Emma wandering the hospital hallway was unexpected but seeing her shell-shocked expression hit so close to home for her because she knows that she wears the exact same one. "Can I get you anything? Please, let me help." She takes Emma's hand, guiding her towards Quinn's room, the only place she feels safe.

She does not expect to see Russell by Quinn's bedside, his hand on hers as he leans forward in his wheelchair, muttering under his breath. It's Emma's soft gasp that finally alerts him to their presence as his gaze shifts from Quinn to them.

He recognizes the school's guidance counselor, only belatedly realizing the reason for the tears streaming down her cheeks. "I…" He swallows audibly, the words stuck in his throat not because he does not want to say them but because he wants to express so much and knows that his words will never be enough. "Thank you."

Emma feels Rachel's warm hand in hers for the first time, though it's Russell Fabray's words that finally breaks through to her such that she understands that Will was never coming back but because of him, Russell Fabray was alive. She doesn't wipe away her tears as she stands there looking at Quinn, finally speaking for the first time in two days. "Is she...is she going to be alright?"

It's Rachel who answers, her voice clear and firm even though her face reflects the uncertainty she is feeling. "Yes. She's going to be fine. Her systolic pressure and pulse rate has improved, not to mention the swelling in her brain has reduced significantly." She had just come from talking to Quinn's primary care physician and had made him go over all of Quinn's vitals and recent results, taking copious notes.

"Good, that's good. I'm going to…I have to get ready for…. It's Will's funeral is tomorrow." It's the first time she's acknowledged it out loud. She looks at Rachel trying to blink back her further onslaught of tears. "He loved all of you so much…was so proud when you won that Tony and when Quinn graduated Med School or when Puck bought over the garage. He even went for Brittany's first dance concert and Mike's first semi pro baseball game." She's beginning to recall all her fond memories, feeling like they had just happened, the sense of having Will with her always, in her heart and in her reminiscences.

She let's go of Rachel's hand and accepts Russell's thanks again before leaving to go back home.

#$#$#$#$

She can hear Tina on the phone, answering Mercedes's questions before confirming when her flight would get in. All arrangements had been made but she had still not decided whether to go or not.

It wasn't that she wanted to miss Mr Shuester's funeral, knowing that he dedicated his life to teaching and nurturing talent .That despite all his flaws, he truly loved them all and had always wanted them to succeed. Even Santana was flying back to Lima despite vowing at graduation never to step back in Ohio ever again. He meant so much to her and even his last act was one that helped save Quinn's father. Rachel knows that she owes it to Emma to be at the funeral.

However, Rachel just couldn't leave Quinn. Marcie had volunteered to stay as did Russell. Even Judy had told her that Quinn would want her to go but in her heart, she just could not bear to leave. Instead she pushes off the deision and just concentrates on singing to Quinn. Her repertoire has also changed, moving on from Broadway tunes to her original songs that she had written for the album she had been recording before flying to Lima.

Each song telling a part of their story, from the heartbreak she had encountered in high school for not fitting in to the fear and uncertainty she had felt when she had met Quinn again, after so many years. Finally, to the joy of recognizing love and having someone special to share her life with.

She had wanted to surprise Quinn with the last song, the melody already spinning in her head when they went to Blossom for the first time over a year ago. The words subsequently had come easy as well, each sentence crafted to express just the right sentiment. In totality addoing up to a love song that embodied all her feelings for Quinn Fabray.

She's so caught up in the song and her memories that she does not register Tina's words or the tightening of the grip on her hand.

"Her eyelids are , her eyelids are fluttering." Tina had been about to call Kurt, needing to ask if he would sing lead at the funeral tomorrow because she was sure that Rachel wouldn't leave Quinn's bedside. She had glanced up, hoping to catch Rachel's eye and give her some moral support only to notice Quinn's eyelids move, as if she was struggling to open them.

Rachel squeezes Quinn's hand, holding her breath as she waits for a response, not bothering to hide her sob when she feels Quinn squeeze back. "Quinn, sweetheart, can you open your eyes?" She needed to see them, their color like nothing she could describe. Her plea getting through as Quinn's eyelids finally open.

Hazel eyes meeting brown ones, augmenting the physical connection of their hands. Rachel's radiant smile gracing her face for the first time in days, directed at Quinn, meant only for her, conveying all the love she felt.

"Rachel?" It was the phrasing of her name, not Sweetheart or Rach or Love but Rachel with a question mark. Like Quinn had been questioning her presence, like she wasn't sure if it was really her or why she was there, that throws Rachel. The happiness that suffused her being evaporating in an instant as she sees Quinn's eyes shut again as her consciousness slips away.

"Get Alex." She does not look at Tina when she says the words but is relieved when she hears her run out the door. She looks down at the blond, not wanting to think the worse and just needing to see Quinn open her eyes again. "Quinn, please, open your eyes." Her words are softly spoken. ' _Please remember me, please baby, remember me'._  She does not say those words out loud although they run through her head like a mantra.

She never considered the possibility of Quinn not waking up, likewise, she never considered the probability of Quinn not remembering her. Rachel knows deep down that regardless of whatever happened to her, Quinn was coded in her essence and she would recognize her anywhere. She can only hope that Quinn felt the same way.

#$#$#$#

"Her vitals are all in the normal range and she's not unconscious per se but her body is just shutting down, giving her time to rest. Quinn's been through physical trauma and her body needs to heal. She' should wake up from time to time hopefully staying conscious for longer periods but this is great news." Alex had been with Russell when Tina found him. He never expected to see Quinn's father cry in front of him but he had when he heard that his daughter had regained consciousness albeit briefly.

He expects Rachel to beam with joy, "Rachel, she's going to be fine." He sees her nod and slowly turn away to look back at Quinn's room. Her hands clasped tightly together as if she was holding onto something for dear life.

"Will she remember me?" Her words are tentative and he's unused to her tone, always expecting her to be more vibrant, despite her small stature, she was always larger than life.

He thinks about her question, wondering what had prompted it. "I don't see why not. There was some swelling in her brain and the diuretics and anti-seizure medication has helped. There is a possibility of some short term memory loss but nothing would indicate anything long term. Did she say something?" he had consulted with the neurosurgeon on staff and reviewed Quinn's scans himself, the location of the axonal damage was limited and minute. The chances of permanent damage was almost nil.

"She said my name." Rachel looks up at him, her eyes wide and unblinking, before continuing, "Like it was a question, like she couldn't comprehend why I would be there….Like she didn't remember who I was."

"She remembered you enough to call you by name." Alex sees Rachel acknowledge his words although her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. He's known Quinn for years, watched her grow into a fine doctor and transform into an amazing person, not in the least due to her recent relationship with Rachel. What he does realize is that Quinn needed Rachel in her life. Rachel had given her perspective, acceptance and love. They needed each other. They made a damn fine couple and he knows that it would take a lot for Quinn to forget Rachel.

"Yes, she did." Rachel turns to walk back to Quinn's room but Alex catches her next words even though she barely gives them voice, "but what if that's all she remembers."

**End Part 12**


	13. She's Not There

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

**_Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked_**

**_The way she'd act and the colour of her hair_**

**_Her voice was soft and cool_**

**_Her eyes were clear and bright_**

**_But she's not there_**

**_Well no one told me about her, what could I do_**

**_Well no one told me about her, though they all knew_**

**_But it's too late to say you're sorry_**

**_How would I know, why should I care_**

**_Please don't bother tryin' to find her_**

**_She's not there_**

**_The Zombies_**

_Quinn recognizes the halls of McKinley High, the gun metal gray lockers lining the linoleum floored halls, the smell, a mixture of teenage hormones, angst and false bravado. It's all so familiar yet it feels different and she really can't decipher how or why as she sees her reflection in the glass of one of the trophy cases._

_Cheerios outfit, check. Tight pony tail, check. The usual smirk quirking her lips, check. Santana and Brittany strutting down the hallways to flank her sides, check. Everything like it should be except it just does not feel that way. She looks around, the hallway, already filling with the usual suspects. Jocks and cheerios walking down the middle, the rest of the student population parting like the red sea, trying to remain inconspicuous so as not to call attention to themselves._

_She stares at their faces even as no one will make eye contact with her as she searches for something, maybe someone. It's a bit fuzzy in her head as she tries to remember what or perhaps who she's looking for. She spots Tina and Mercedes and stares at them because she thinks she expects someone else._

_"Hey Q, you want to stop spazzing and get your ass in gear. Coach wants us in the gym pronto." Santana's looking at her, head tilted, one hand on her hip, the other one extended and pinky linked to Brittany._

_"I… um..I need to..."She can't get her words out and turns to see Brittany nod slowly at her, an encouraging smile on her face._

_"Just take your time Quinn, I have to think of each word first too." She swings their linked hands, tugging a bit as she sees Santana roll her eyes at Quinn. "Give her time, San, she's never been here before."_

_Quinn tries to process Brittany's words but it does not make sense. McKinley High was as familiar to her as her own home, in fact more so; she ruled the school, she was Quinn Fabray, Head cheerio, president of the Celibacy Club and Student Council and she was dating…Her mind goes blank as she sees Dave Karofsky walk around the corner, a slushie held tightly in his beefy hand._

_She cannot explain the fury that builds up within her, coldness and anger melding together and ready to erupt as both her hands close into fists. Her eyes track him as he walks purposefully down the hall, his target in sight, his face breaking into a sickening grin._

_Quinn rushes forward when she sees his arm rear back but she is seconds too late as the liquid splashes all over Mercedes Jones and Tina Cohen Chang. Both girls cringing as the cold ice liquid drip down their faces, embarrassed more from the laughter surrounding them than from the act itself as they hurriedly turn to run towards the nearest bathroom._

_She takes it all in and her momentum does not stop as her closed fist connects with Karofsky's face, the loud smack rebounding off the walls followed closely by the gasps from a number of the students surrounding them._

_"You son of a bitc.." Quinn doesn't get to finish her sentence as Santana grabs her around her waist, the other hand cupping her mouth even as Brittany stands in front of her, hands on her hips as she stares Karofsky down._

_"It was Coach Sylvester's orders."Santana bites out even as she struggles with Quinn who is fighting to break free. "Isn't that right Brit?"_

_The blond always had a funny knack of understanding Santana. She would struggle with other people's words but never San's, as she nods twice. "If I were you, I'd just turn and walk away. Coach asked Q to hit you and she did." She folds her arms, as her foot taps impatiently, starring at him unblinking until he rubs his jaw before turning to walk away._

_#$#$#$#$_

_"Q, you want to tell me what the hell's going on?" Santana's voice is filled with exasperation._

_They're in the Cheerios large training room, Quinn's slumped in a chair, hands rubbing her temple as she contemplates the question. She feels lost, like something is missing but try as she might, she cannot pinpoint what exactly is wrong. Her hand is throbbing like her head but at least it's enough of a distraction from her feeling like she's drowning in complete despair._

_"I….I don't know." Her hand touches her heart, an ache forming there that she cannot explain. "I need to find.." Brittany looks at her, nodding encouragingly, her hands clasped in front of her, as if she was waiting for this to occur. Only Quinn cannot finish the sentence, her mind going blank again as Finn ambles into the room._

_"Hey, Quinn, I'm not sure of this but Azimio just told the guys that you hit Dave on Coach Sylvester's orders. Are you alright?" He gently takes her hand in his but it feels different, wrong. It's not only the wrong size, it's just the wrong hand._

_Finn sees her brow crease, "You should ice this, c'mon, I have a pack in my locker." He slowly pulls her up, guiding her, surprised that she still hasn't said anything but Quinn's always been a mystery to him. She turns at the door, starring back at Santana and Brittany trying to remember but nothing comes so she turns back to follow him._

_"Where is she?" It's a whisper really, words she does not understand but needs to get out, only to see Finn's usual confused expression. He shrugs before opening his locker. But now that the words are out, she realizes that they're the right ones as she repeats the question, this time her voice is stronger, more certain. "Where is she?"_

_Finn turns to look at her, "I don't know who you're looking for?"_

_He smiles that lopsided smile but it does nothing for her as she grabs the front of his jacket, "Please, I need to find her."_

_The plea in her voice coming through as Finn looks saddened."She's not here." He holds out his hand to her, his eyes pleading for her to take it._

_The words hitting her like projectiles as she backs away, "No, I need...I need to find her." Quinn turns to run, knowing that she needs to be somewhere, understanding that she needs to find her even if she still does not know who she is._

_The halls are empty once again as she runs from room to room, classes are ongoing and she sees the people she knows, Mike Chang clowning around with Artie in History, Puck hitting on Ms Holliday in Remedial Math. Each class a showcase of all her friends and acquaintances except for the one person she really needs to see. She can feel panic building within her, her breaths now harsh and labored as she makes her way to the choir room, praying that she'll find the person she's been looking for._

_"Quinn?" She turns around, hope filling her heart, only to see Kurt standing there, arms behind his back, an enigmatic smile on his face. "You won't find her in there." He points to the door, his eyes wide as he stares at her, his next words, heartening. "Come on, Quinn, think."His smile is encouraging like Brittany's had been._

_"I don't..I can't.." Not finishing her sentences because she's almost afraid that it's too late, that somehow, she didn't do or say the right thing and now, it's too damn late. Tears roll down her cheeks but she does not wipe them away as she turns from Kurt, not towards the choir room but towards the auditorium._

_She thinks it's the correct choice when she hears the soft music, a familiar tune, only as soon as she pushes open the doors, she sees the lights are out and the music has died. "She's not there." Kurt's voice is behind her, "She won't be here because..." He's waiting for her to finish his sentence. At last, Quinn understands._

_"She's in my heart."_

Her eyes blink open.

_#$#$#$#$_

The funeral service was beautiful if that was a word one could use to describe it. It had just enough music and ceremony to celebrate the life and mourn the death of McKinley High's most trophied Glee Club director. Even Sue Sylvester's eulogy had touch on his success albeit she did point out that she still had won more trophies than he did.

Overall, it had been more of a celebration befitting Will Schuester's life. So many people had come from the original members of the Glee Club minus Quinn, to his newest recruits, including Beth. All taking turns to pay their respects the only way they knew how, they sang. Classic Rock to modern R&B numbers, different genres but the same underlying theme of love and hope.

As it should be, they're on last. Rachel straightens both Finn and Noah's ties before Tina grabs her hand, not letting it go. Brittany stands next to her, their shoulders touching even as the tall blond pulls Artie in for a quick kiss hello as Santana looks on, her face passive but her hands in fists. Lauren Zizes is there in lieu of Quinn, standing next to Sam with Kurt next to him, his eyes already wet with tears. Mike stares at Tina as Artie looks on Brittany with a smile on his face, Mercedes nods and smiles when they finally make eye contact.

The familiar music starts as Kurt and the rest begin to harmonize when Finn begins his solo. It's so familiar yet she feels displaced such that she almost misses her cue but catches herself in time as she's always been a perfectionist even when everything else felt like it was crumbling around her. Rachel hits all the right notes but it's just not the same because Quinn's not there. The song ends and Emma rushes to hug them all, a huge departure from her earlier years where she had trouble with any physical contact.

The applause does not die down but Rachel does not bask in it, instead, she finds her seat, her hand immediately going into her pocket to curl around her phone tucked away there, hoping for it to vibrate.

Russell had promised to call if anything changed. He had his bed moved to Quinn's room and Judy had sat in the back of her dads' car with her as they drove to the church. She feels Judy's hand cover her own now and she tries not to cry.

It's the fact that both of Quinn's parents were being civil to her that scares her. Maybe they knew more than she did about Quinn's prognosis and was just preparing themselves and her for the worse.

She looks out the window, only to realize that the church that they're in was the same one that Quinn had a picture of in her front office, back in New York. Like her pictures of McKinley High hanging there as well. All links to Quinn's past, to their past. Maybe not one they shared together but they had both experienced it at the same time.

Rachel feels a pull that she cannot ignore as she rises quickly, whispering a quick sorry to her dads as she rushes by them, Judy hurrying after her. "Rachel, what's wrong?" only catching up when she sees Rachel frantically look around by the roadside.

"Quinn's not in there." Rachel stares at the distance, hoping to spot a taxi but realizing it's not New York and she needs to call for one.

"I know, Honey. She's…She's still in the hospital." Judy can see how much this woman loves her daughter and though she cannot understand it, she also will not deny it.

"Exactly, Quinn's in the hospital and I need to be there with her." She whips out her phone, her fingers already dialing, hoping that in ten years, the number hasn't changed. It's ridiculous and weird but she just knows that she needs to go now. She probably owes Emma a huge apology but she feels something that just compels her to act.

"Where do you need to go?" She sees Puck walk towards her, keys in his hand and Finn close behind.

"I..um, the hospital." She runs towards the pickup truck he points at, Finn helping her and Judy into the cab before jumping into the back.

She looks at the rearview mirror only to see the other Glee members rush out and into their cars, forming a procession of sorts as Puck drives to Lima General Hospital. His truck picking up speed when he sees Rachel's hands curl in her lap, her lower lip held between her teeth and tears in her eyes.

Rachel jumps out even before the truck comes to a complete stop, already running through the hospital doors, ignoring the calls from Tina and the rest as she runs towards the stairwell. She takes the steps two at a time, nearly falling at the top but correcting her momentum through years of ballet training as she barrels forward, reaching the third floor quicker than she anticipated.

She can't explain it because she's running on faith and belief and all she can discern is the singular certainty that she needs to be by Quinn's side. Rachel is gasping for air as she rounds the corner and rushes into the room.

Each second that passed seem to have been counting down because as Rachel looks to the bed, where Quinn is, she sees her blink and she is finally met with hazel eyes, allowing her to breathe fully once again.

**End pt 13**


	14. Just The Way You Are

**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love**

**_When I see your face_**

**_There's not a thing that I would change_**

**_'Cause you're amazing_**

**_Just the way you are_**

**_And when you smile_**

**_The whole world stops and stares for a while_**

**_'Cause girl you're amazing_**

**_Just the way you are_**

**_Bruno Mars_**

Her room is finally quiet, Santana and Kurt being the last to leave. It had been the reunion she had not expected but had wanted for some time. A gathering of old friends, sharing of stories and lives, validating their past and reinstating friendships long dormant. She had needed it but not as much as needing to hold Rachel, to feel her in her arms and breathe her in.

Quinn knows how lucky she is, not only in her recovery but in having Rachel in her life. Santana had been the last to leave her room, not because they had the most catching up to do but because her old rival had been looking for some direction. They were always two sides of a coin in High School, rivals and best friends, competing for everything not to win but to make the other lose. It had been childish but it also fueled their connection like nothing else could.

So she could not deny Santana an answer when she stood at the door looking directly at her and asked why Rachel. Quinn knew she could have pretended to not understand the question but she could never deny her feeling s for Rachel.

_"Because she makes me want to be better. Because I like me when I'm with her. Because she loves me regardless."_ She could have gone on but her point had been made when Santana had nodded at her words, her features transitioning from reflective to understanding. Her mind not on Quinn and Rachel but on her own missed love. It was difficult to see because Quinn understood that if Rachel had not been so forgiving, she would be in the exact same position Santana was.

_"It wasn't difficult recognizing love; it was just difficult accepting it sometimes."_  Sometimes she wished that she had seen Rachel's true worth in High School but she hadn't been worthy then and even now she still thinks she's the lucky one. Quinn wants to tell Santana that it'll work out for her and Brittany but she doesn't not because she does not believe it but because it has to be what Santana wants to believe.

Quinn just hopes that they won't waste as much time as she and Rachel had. In the end, it had been cathartic to hear of how everyone's lives had turned out. She never really expected that they would all be relatively happy in their own right but she always hoped that it would be the case despite the odds being stacked against them.

It was something Mr. Schue had instilled in them from the beginning. Despite his own flaws, he always believed in them with all his heart. Even when they didn't have faith in themselves, he always believed in them, individually and as a group. Quinn doesn't know if she'll ever be able to fully forgive herself for his death but she knows that he would never have blamed her.

Likewise, she does not know if she would ever be comfortable with the knowledge that she had the uncanny knack to hurt Rachel even if she never meant to. It scared her and frustrated her in equal measure. Knowing that she needed Rachel by her side, that her presence made her life complete but it also exposed the brunette to getting hurt.

Quinn glances down at Rachel curled into her side, her breaths even and understands that it's probably the first real rest Rachel had since she went into her coma. Her presence almost expected and the comfort it brought immeasurable.

It's been two days since she regained consciousness. Two days undergoing a flurry of tests each time only looking forward to going back to her room because she knew Rachel would be there waiting, like she had been the moment Quinn had slipped into a coma.

Her mom had filled her in on everything even as Rachel bowed her head, not wanting Quinn to see the unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. She just held Rachel's hands tightly in hers as she heard of how she had refused to leave her room, instead, singing to her for hours on end, leaving her voice slightly hoarse now but still beautiful because it conveyed everything that Quinn had felt deep down, a beacon that brought Quinn back.

She's so caught up in her musings that she does not realize her father being wheeled into her room until he clears his throat and calls her name. "Quinn."

He looks better but still so much older than she remembered, only to accept that ten years had gone by and she had changed as much as he had. In her mind, only Rachel looked the same like she did all those years ago. She had been perfect then, a dynamo wrapped up in talent and overflowing with passion. It had taken Quinn years to realize that fact but once she did, there was no denying that she was miraculous and perfect.

"How are you feeling?" Her voice is soft, not wanting to wake Rachel and break the rest she needed.

"I should be asking you that." He stares at his daughter, her hands possessively holding the brunette in her arms and it surprises him that he's come to expect it, his daughter's overt show of affection for the woman in her arms. "How is she?" He nods towards Rachel, smirking when he sees Quinn's eyebrows rise and her expression turn to surprise.

He can come up with so many reasons why their relationship should be condemned but in the end, he's realized that he only needs one reason for its validation. He loves his daughter, even when hate coated his every action, he still never stopped loving Quinn, he just refused to acknowledge it. And by extension, he didn't have to understand all her actions but accept them because it was who she was and he didn't want her to change. "She never gave up on you. Ignoring the doctors…Telling me to go to Hell, if I didn't believe that you would be ok." He chuckles as he remembers her warning to him.

"She's my life." Quinn sees him nod at her words as if accepting them only she cannot take his actions at face value. He's disappointed her too many times for her to believe despite the feelings that his words invoke within her. "She's my family and I would do everything to ensure that she's never going to get hurt." Her conviction comes through even as she sees his features turn into a frown.

"You can't guarantee that." He holds up his hand when he sees her start to protest, not wanting to instigate a fight but needing her to listen to him and learn from his mistakes. He had made so many throughout his life that it seemed like such a waste not to benefit from his shortcomings.

"You loved speed." He uses the past tense even though he knows that she would always like the feel of going faster than she should. "Even when you were young, you would ride your bike as fast as your little legs could pedal." His smile is familiar even as his eyes take on that faraway look as he reminisces. "Each time, I would be so afraid that you'd go too fast and not stop in time or hit a tree."

"Which I did." It had been a really hot summer when she was ten and the only thing that made it remotely bearable was riding her bike as fast as she could, wind whipping through her hair. It was the last week of the summer when she finally managed to ram her bike into the large oak tree bordering their property, fracturing her arm and opening a large gash at the side of her forehead. She had laid on the ground crying and she distinctly remembered her father had carried her in his arms, running to their car, all the while his voice calm as he told her that she was going to be fine. "You drove me to the hospital and I got to wear a cast for two weeks."

She feels Rachel move slightly as she gazes down, torn between wanting to finish the conversation with her dad and needing to be with Rachel, only she does not wake up as she snuggles even closer to Quinn. "So I like to drive fast." She shrugs her shoulders.

"It made you so happy even if it could get you hurt." It was why he had acquiesced when she choose the little red sports car as oppose to the sedan he had offered when she got her driver license. He could never stop her from getting hurt, not unless he wanted to limit her happiness and he's glad to see the realization dawn on her face.

"All I could do was to be there for you when you did." She turns away, because she has tears in her eyes and instinct takes over as she tries to hide her weakness from him. "Only, I was a stupid old man who forgot that fact. I am so sorry that I forgot to be there for you when you got hurt." He cannot say it any clearer. "I won't forget again and neither will you." He looks pointedly at Rachel's sleeping form as he says the words.

She still won't look at him and he does not expect her too so he wheels himself out of the room, seeking Judy out, knowing that she was next on his long list of people he needed to make amends to.

#$#$#$#

She's perfected the art of crying silently, no overt sniffling or sound but just tears coursing down her face. Years of hiding her emotions, pushing them down, keeping them locked away, only to be released infrequently; something never to be shared or revealed. Quinn knows she does not need to hide her emotions from Rachel but she's too much a creature of habit such that she bites down on her lip, not letting any sound escape.

Rachel feels she deserves an Oscar, her caliber of acting on this trip far outstripping her Tony Award winning turn as Maria on stage but there was no way she could pretend to sleep when Quinn was hurting even if it was considered a healing type of hurt if there was such a thing.

The first thing she does is tighten her hold on the blond as she shifts their position, causing Quinn's body to lay on top of hers, their noses almost touching, their eyes finally focused on each other. An understanding passing between them where no words are needed because they're connected on a different level both physically and emotionally.

"Marry me." It wasn't the words that she had planned on saying, at least not in a hospital room in Lima but at that exact moment, looking up at Quinn, her eyes red and puffy, tears falling from them, onto her cheeks, it was the only words she could utter that made sense.

"What?" The word, proving an undeniable fact that Rachel Barbra Berry had the most amazing ability to turn Quinn Fabray into a monosyllabic idiot at the most inopportune times. A fact that she acknowledges and therefore does not take offence at Quinn's initial response, knowing that the answer she wants will eventually reveal itself.

"For the sake of clarity and subscribing to the fact that reiteration is good for the soul.." She smiles when she sees Quinn does. "I, Rachel Barbra Berry am asking you, Quinn Fabray, MD, to marry me. To accept me as I am and to never change the way you are." The drawn out second proposal finally igniting Quinn's slowed senses, allowing her to catch up.

Her lips crashing down on Rachel's, their hands clasped together, the only answer Rachel could accept. But Quinn wanted to say it too. Their kiss lasting as long as possible before she finally pulls back.

"Yes."

Matching smiles, clasped hands and breathing in tandem, they're forever pledged to each other. Even before ceremonies and picking out China patterns or fights on who gets to walk whom down the aisle or what flowers or colors to have, they're already eons ahead in keeping their promise to love and grow old together.

**The End**


	15. Epilogue : Landslide

_**_**Mercy, Pity, Peace and Love** _ ** _

_**_**  
** _ ** _

_**_**_Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care, but for another gives its ease, and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair._**_**_

_**_**_William Blake_**_**_

_**_**_  
_**_**_

_**_**_Well, I've been afraid of changin'  
cause i've built my life around you  
but time makes you bolder  
children get older  
and I'm getting older too_**_**_

_**_Stevie Nicks_**_

 

 

 

Rachel's throat is sore and if she was honest with herself, it's been sore for about a week. But she's been so busy with the frenzied activities swirling around her that it goes by unnoticed; Her focus has been on her fathers' questions after questions about their preferences and Judy Fabray putting so many swatches of cloth on her that she feels her shoulders sag under the weight of the fabric.

She looks around for Quinn only to belatedly realize that unlike her, Quinn had been smarter and begged off on account of a surgery. It's only when Rachel looks at the calendar on the table does she realize that her next check- up is in a few days.

She's been free of cancer for slightly more than a year and it's never crossed her mind that it would recur except her throat feels sore. Her hand unconsciously goes to touch the smooth skin before settling on the diamond R pendant that Quinn had surprised her with last week.

"Honey, is everything ok? You look a bit peaked. Maybe we should just wait for Quinn."

Rachel tries to recall what it felt like the first time, the slight numbness in her mouth and the soreness in her throat that would just not go away. She had hidden it from Marcie and Tina for as long as she could, living in denial because facing reality was too scary. She wasn't scared now or at least she knew she could rely on Quinn. The issue was that she did not want to scare Quinn unnecessarily either.

"Um, yeah, I...maybe we should wait for Quinn." She sees Judy nod her head, a smile on her face that is solely directed at her and she has to blink a few times to ensure that it's not a mirage.

"Quinnie will say yes to anything you want. She loves you." It's the indulgent tone that Judy uses that does not fail to surprise Rachel because it signifies so many things like acceptance and love. It could never be that easy and that's what makes her want to forget about her sore throat and upcoming check up. She wants to enjoy this acceptance for as long as she can. She wants Quinn to see it and to finally realize that her parents truly love her, perhaps not as much as Rachel loves her but that was because Quinn deserved so much love.

"Thanks Mrs Fabray." Rachel smiles and ducks her head only to hear Judy clearing her throat and she corrects herself, "Thanks, Judy." It was either that or mom and for right now, mom was at least reserved for Shelby. She has so many people in her life now, people who love her and people whom she wants to protect and love in return.

Because of that, she thinks she should hide it for just a bit longer.

#$#$#$#$

"She's going to kill me for telling you this so you have to promise me you're not going to tell her" Tina's plea grabbing Quinn's attention almost immediately such that she stops writing, putting away the patient's file, crossing her arms and giving her sole attention to the woman currently pacing her office.

She's not worried, just curious, although in the back of her mind, she already feels the small tendrils of fear and uncertainty trying to take root. "Just tell me." There is a razor sharp tone to her voice, a left over relic from Cheerios and Sue Sylvester that Tina recognizes and cannot ignore.

"She recorded a song for you. Or she's been trying but she says it doesn't sound right." Tina doesn't know how else to explain it. To be absolutely honest, she truly believes that the wedding plans were slowly driving Rachel insane and she was going to explode with all the decisions on their wedding as well as her album.

"Could you maybe give her something to calm her down?"The worry in her voice is clear such that Quinn does not immediately shut Tina down, instead she thinks about Rachel.

They had woken up early this morning, wanting some time to themselves before the madness of their daily lives took over. Quinn loved to indulge in the ultimate past time of memorizing Rachel Berry, every move and mole, every sigh and all the amazing contours of her body. She's always been an ace with her memory and Rachel was an easy, if not addictive subject.

Quinn knows she's blushing when Tina's eyebrows rise as she stares at her. "Firstly, I am not going to medicate Rachel because she's a bit anxious, although I may tell my mom and her dads to back the hell off." Quinn bites the last part of her sentence out, her fingers pinch the bridge of her nose, as she tries to calm down so that she can think more clearly.

She had noticed Rachel acting a bit differently, it wasn't any one particular thing but she knew Rachel Berry, even before she loved her, she knew the girl and the woman she had become. She could tell when Rachel was about to go off on one of her rants or when she was about to lie for the sake of not hurting anyone's feelings. Likewise, she could tell that Rachel was hiding something. And now that she thought back about the past week or so, she knew that it had been the case and mentally kicked herself for not coming to that conclusion sooner.

"Which song?" She knows all of them by heart, Rachel having sang them to her in Lima and she really doesn't care which one, as long as it was sung by Rachel. But she feels that something isn't right and she needs to try and find out what exactly.

"She wants it to be a surprise and she's recorded it eight times so far but she keeps saying it doesn't sound right." Tina had to literally drag Rachel out of the recording studio yesterday, in the end citing that Tony was going to burn their apartment down with his cooking if she didn't make it home to help him.

"Why didn't it sound right? Was it the lyrics or music or her voice?" the tendrils of fear creeping up again as she asks the question. Quinn sees Tina contemplate the question, her face finally showing the fear that Quinn is feeling.

"She said the arrangement was great and you know that she wrote the song for you. The words were perfect. Rachel wouldn't record a song that she didn't consider finished."

Quinn nods slowly as she grabs her coat from the rack and her medical bag from the side table. She's guided by science and medicine, knowing that no diagnosis can be made without examining all the symptoms and ruling out the extreme possibilities. The probability of Rachel's cancer recurrence was there but so was the possibility that it was just stress related and flu season. She needs to be level headed here even though her emotions are pushing her to drop everything and run to Rachel, holding her and never letting her go.

"We're going to be fine." She says it out loud for Tina's sake, repeating the words like a hymn in her head as she heads to the pharmacy to pick up vitamin C and other flu meds. She had one more stop to make and then all she needed to do was to find Rachel and tell her that it was all going to be ok.

#$#$#$#$

Rachel knows she's hiding out and sooner or later will have to show herself but she needs to time to think, to assess her situation and plan for contingencies. It's who she is and it comforts her. Not as much as having Quinn's arms around her and her voice whispering in her ear but enough such that she doesn't feel like she's walking on a ledge, the possibility of falling always there.

Quinn's apartment is neat and reflects her personality such that Rachel knows that going there will always make her feel closer to Quinn even if she wasn't around. Not that she needed any impetus to feel so but it was also a safe haven of sorts. There are mementos of Quinn's life scattered around, from her dog eared medical text books to her cheerleading trophies Rachel knows are in the cupboard by the side of the flat screen TV.

What she loves the most though are the photographs on the walls and scattered around the rooms because they tell a story or at least they tell Quinn's story which leads to it being their story. There are pictures of Quinn and her sister as they lie on the ground making faces to the camera, to Quinn in her cheerios outfit, stretching before one of the big games. There is one of the Glee Club the year they won Nationals, Quinn's arms around Mercedes and Rachel in the front with her hand in Finn's.

It's the pictures of Rachel herself that makes her blush because she gets to see how Quinn sees her. Quinn loved to cook but she also liked playing around with her camera and every now and then, she would snap pictures of Rachel. It use to drive her insane when she heard the click, taking her by surprise because she was so use to having to get ready for photo shoots.

The funny thing was that the pictures Quinn captured always managed to show her so full of life and happy and in love. She's surprised to hear the door being unlocked and before she has time to react, she sees Quinn enter her apartment, her arms full with bags.

"I was hoping you were here." Quinn tries not to show the relief she feels but it comes through with her words as well as her actions as she drops the bags and engulfs Rachel in a hug. She feels Rachel's hands go around her and the warmth of her body as it melds into hers, Rachel's head fitting just beneath her chin.

Quinn could stand there forever but she's there for a reason and the sooner she faced it with Rachel, the sooner they could move on with their lives regardless of the outcome. She disentangles herself from the embrace, her hand still holding onto Rachel's as she steers her to the couch.

She grabs her medical bag and sits facing Rachel, her voice calm even as her hazel eyes fill with so many emotions, love, fear and understanding.

"It's flu season again and you've been under so much stress with going back to Lima and my…my coma. And then there's your dads and my mom over compensating for I'm not sure what exactly. I know they're driving you insane and I am going to talk with them." Quinn sees Rachel look at her, realization dawning on her face as she hears Quinn's words. But instead of ducking or looking away, Rachel does not break eye contact, at least not yet.

"You waited for me for over two hours at the free clinic last week as well and god knows its germ central there." Rachel understands that Quinn's thinking up all the reasons that would explain why she could be feeling under the weather.

Rachel listens to Quinn's words even as she feels Quinn's deft fingers examine her throat. She remembers those fingers doing other magical things and wants to concentrate on those memories instead of the ones that are currently invading her thoughts.

Before they were lovers, Quinn had been her doctor and had been the one to diagnose her cancer and right now, all she can focus on is that like before, her throat is sore. She does not want to cry and finally shuts her eyes, only to hear Quinn's voice as she starts to sing softly.

_It's a beautiful night,_

_We're looking for something dumb to do._

_Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you._

_Is it the look in your eyes,_

_Or is it this dancing juice?_

_Who cares baby,_

_I think I wanna marry you._

_Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go,_

_No one will know,_

_Come on girl._

_Who cares if we're trashed got a pocket full of cash we can blow,_

_Shots of patron,_

_And it's on girl._

In too short a time, the examination is over and Rachel feels her throat convulse as Quinn's hands take her own. It' then that she realizes that she had nothing to fear. Regardless of what happens, she has Quinn with her. Even if she had been hiding her sore throat and swallowing her fear, somehow, Quinn would always know and be there for her.

"Your throat is a bit red but your lymph nodes are not swollen and you're running a low grade fever. It's not cancer." The relief in her voice is palpable as she breathes out, her lips pursed and her eyes close briefly. She bends, their foreheads touching and she feels Rachel's breath on her face.

Quinn knows that it wouldn't have mattered either way whatever the outcome, as they were tied to each other; changed for the better, transformed by love and made for each other. However, she does want to prove it in every possible way, to show to all that they were together always.

"My cars downstairs and the tank is full. We can be in Massachusetts in under three hours." Quinn had told Alex not to expect her back at the hospital for a few days. She wanted to do this, in her mind; it was inevitable that this was her move considering Rachel had proposed first.

"What are you saying?" Rachel knows her well enough to guess what Quinn was alluding to but she was a romantic at heart and really wanted her to say it. Granted she had sung it and was still humming the tune under her breath.

Quinn tosses the vitamin C bottle to Rachel, "I am saying take a couple while I pack our bags." Rachel smiles as she catches the bottle, still hoping to hear the words as she sees Quinn disappear into the bedroom.

Rachel twists open the cap and tips it over only to gasp in surprise as a solitaire ring falls out. She's speechless as she stares at it, the diamonds twinkling under the lights. It was something that she would have picked out for herself and she's once again amazed at how well Quinn knows her.

"It's a princess cut pink diamond." She looks up and sees Quinn kneeling before her, "Since you asked first, I thought it was only fair that I got to buy the ring." It was three carats and flawless but still could never be as beautiful as Rachel, "So will you Rachel Barbra Berry agree to drive to Boston with me right now and become Rachel Barbra Berry Fabray?"

"Only if you agree to Be Quinn Fabray Berry" It's the kiss that seals it, signifying so much, plans for a future filled with happiness, some tears, laughter and fights but most importantly, filled with love.

**The End**


End file.
